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He Betrayed Me and Married Someone Else

Questioner

A

Reply Date

Nov 25, 2017

Question

As-Salamu Alaykum. I have always been a practicing Muslimah. I never thought that I would one day fall into the trap of Zina, but I did. I did everything with this brother, except sex (Praise be to Allah SWT). This Muslim brother made me believe that he would marry me. I know this is such a cliché, but it did happen! I ended up being betrayed because this brother at the end married someone else. It has been over a year and Alhamdulillah I have been healing emotionally with much effort placed in focusing on my relationship with my creator Allah (SWT). A year after the betrayal, I went to my doctor to find out if I got any STD and found out that I got genital herpes from this brother. Weird thing is that when I got that news, I was so relieved to the point that I made sujjud-al-shukr, giving thanks to Allah (SWT) that it was not HIV. Allahu Akbar! But recently, I have been craving for marriage and family. Even though I have been introduced to many potential guys for marriage, they all fell apart. One of the proposals even went as far as to set a date for marriage and then boom! It failed. I am losing hope getting myself married. I even believe that all these failed marriage proposals are because Allah (SWT) is protecting these brothers from me since I have this virus in me. I am really concerned. Will I ever get married? Or should I give up on the hopes of ever getting married? I am scared that I would remain single for the rest of my life. I am already 34years old. JazakaAllah for your counsel.

Counselor

Answer


He Betrayed Me and Married Someone Else

Answer:

Salamu ‘Alaykum Sister,

Thank you for sending us your question. I ask Allah to help you and give you strength and perseverance to live your life fully, to truly forgive yourself, and to be hopeful that Allah will guide you to reach your dreams.

I am sorry to hear about the previous relationship you were in, the betrayal you experienced, and the disease that you had contracted. Every human being makes mistakes. Allah did not create us to be perfect – we are not angels. We are human beings with the power to make our own choices. What Allah wants from us is to ask forgiveness from Him once we make a mistake and to forgive ourselves so we can move on. Life is all about learning and growing. We cannot learn and grow without falling and having the strength and hope to get back up again. Alhamdulillah, it seems that you have realized the importance of hope and have taken care of yourself emotionally after the breakup. May Allah continue giving you the courage, strength, and most importantly hope to live on in peace.

It may seem like something far, but please continue to pray and make du’aa’ to Allah that He will grant you a great spouse and a great marriage. I understand that society’s norms and those around you such as friends and family may make you feel that you are “too old” or someone who is not an ideal candidate for marriage. Please, remember that our lives and everything that happens to us has already been written by Allah. If Allah has willed it, then no one can stop in Allah’s way. Believe it and let that thought sink in. We have been told to ask Allah for whatever we wish and to not be ashamed, to not back down, and to have full faith that He will, in fact, answer our prayers. He is closer to us than our own selves! Part of why our religion is so beautiful is because we are able to have such a close relationship with Allah and to talk to Him directly. Most importantly, He wants us to do so and He keeps His door open anytime, anywhere, any place. We just need to believe it and take advantage of this blessing!

No one knows what will happen in the future. Some people do not get married, do not have children, do not get a certain job, do not get a certain amount of money, do not get cured from a certain disease, etc. The future is unknown. Part of having faith and healthy mental health is to believe that whatever comes your way is meant for you in the best way possible.

It seems like you are certainly on the right track emotionally and have an overall good outlook on things. This is a blessing! Please keep yourself focused and hopeful. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Immerse yourself around helping others. Be around emotionally healthy people and befriend them. Strive to be the best at your job, studies, volunteer activities, or whatever you may be a part of. Take the time to be mindful of yourself and your surroundings and appreciate who you are and what you have become. What you have become and the realizations that you have discovered about yourself and your life is a blessing from Allah in of itself Alhamdulillah.

Keep making du’aa’, keep yourself focused, and also take care of your emotional and physical health. To approach the issue of marriage in a more direct manner, I believe in using all reasonable options available. If you have friends who you know that can help with introducing potential spouses, let them know that you are interested. I know that some mosques have matrimonial gatherings. If you look into them, some of those programs may work for you.

There is also a website that may be helpful: www.salaamhearts.org. I do not usually recommend using websites to look for a spouse, but sometimes it can be helpful if they are used wisely and carefully. What makes this website different is that a Muslim psychologist oversees it. All participants are also asked a series of questions about themselves, their emotional wellbeing, and what they are looking for in a spouse. The psychologist also offers pre-marital education to those who are interested.

Salam,

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About Aliah F. Azmeh

Aliah F. Azmeh is a licensed clinical social worker who practices in Detroit, Michigan. Aliah graduated with a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan in 2007 and has experience working in the United States and overseas. Aliah currently works as a clinical social worker and provides individual, family, and marital counseling at Muslim Family Services in Detroit, MI.

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