We do not bother to communicate with my dad's family; therefore, most of our summers are spent with my mom's side of the family. There my cousins drink, smoke, go to a party, and do as they please while calling themselves Muslims.
I am unfortunately like them, and I am constantly told that I will have to marry a boy who is not religious like my family. I find it so hard to get away from sins and temptation.
I need help.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Think of all the young Western women born in atheist families that want to follow Islam and wear hijab, but their families disapprove and abandon them. Remember the courageous Muslims living in Communist countries like China who are not able to fast in Ramadan, and are forced by teachers to eat in classes. If they can push through and stand for what they believe in, which is Allah (swt), then sister, so can you!”
Dear Sister,
I am very sorry to hear of your tricky situation. We wish it upon every person to be surrounded by people who stimulate them to be the best person they can be, and who promote fundamental values like sobriety and decency. We are very glad to have you come to us.
Opposing ends
From your message, it appears that you feel torn between two opposing things. One is your inner natural faith (fitrah) that knows right from wrong and gravitates you toward goodness. The other one is the world of your mother’s family that “…do as they please while calling themselves Muslims…”
Although you claim to be the same as your family, it seems that you are different because you intend “…to get away from sins and temptation”. You recognize that you want and “…need help”. This shows that you want to become a better Muslim.
Challenges and sins
Allah (swt) presents every person with unique challenges in life. Yours may be being surrounded by people who commit sin openly if that is the case. You seem aware that what they are doing is unlawful. Therefore, with this knowledge of Islam, it is your responsibility as a daughter to guide your family to a better path. Discourage them from drinking and partying.
We should refrain from making judgment upon others because everybody’s challenges are different and Allah (swt) is the Only Final Judge; however, it is your responsibility to correct them where correction is due.
Good company
First of all, as you are surrounded by bad examples, you feel it’s hard to resist sins and temptation. Therefore, you need good companionship that always reminds you of Allah (swt) and encourages you to stay on the right path. For that, you can go to your mosque or make friends with other Muslim peers in your school.
“It is important to choose your friends carefully. Prophet Muhammad (saw) warned the believers about this too. He said that a person would be influenced by his friends. He (saw) said:
“A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” (At-Tirmidhi)”
Check out this counseling video:
Strengthen faith
Secondly, it is very important you seek (Islamic) knowledge and strengthen your faith. You need to understand and believe which things are good for you. And which are bad, and why they’re good or bad. Without knowledge, you can lead a very bleak and long path that puts you off track in the blink of an eye.
You may fall into a hole of despair or temptation, or worse, fall into shirk without realizing it. Shirk is the worst sin one can commit. And can be a dangerous “accidental” hole to fall into that will lead you to the hellfire. Educate yourself so that you can spot those dark holes. So that you can avoid them instead of falling into them.
Communicate
Thirdly, your mother cares very much for you. Once she sees you behaving in a respectable manner, it may inspire her to improve herself. Communicate with her privately and clearly how you feel, in a respectable tone.
Use words like “I feel that…”, and “so and so…makes me feel…”. Reinstate to her that this has nothing to do with your father. As there seems to be tension there, but that Islam is important for you personally. Show her that you love her and that you are doing this because you believe it is best for her.
If her response is not what you had ideally hoped for, please understand that many non-Muslim-born believers have gone through havoc with their families that don’t support their religious beliefs.
Conclusion
Think of all the young Western women born in atheist families that want to follow Islam and wear hijab, but their families disapprove and abandon them.
Remember the courageous Muslims living in Communist countries like China who are not able to fast in Ramadan, and are forced by teachers to eat in classes.
If they can push through and stand for what they believe in, which is Allah (swt), then sister, so can you!
May Allah (swt) be pleased with you.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
