Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum my dear son,
Puberty through to adulthood can be a journey of obstacles and Catch 22’s, especially in the country in which you live. You are going through changes in your biological make up which are not free from the influence of the surrounding environment – emotions, aggression, social support mechanisms. Social support mechanisms are more apparent in traditional societies, whereby the adolescent (a western euphemism) is guided through the process from childhood to adulthood, where there is a ceremonial death/puberty rite, easing into the new identity of manhood. What the puberty rite achieves is to share the experience with one’s peers, to have guidance from those who appreciate what you are going through, and to objectify the confusing experience of puberty making it less daunting.
Back to your world, the changes that you are going through are not just biological, but they are affected by self-image (self-esteem, sexuality), cognitive, emotional, and social. You are subject to conflicting self-imagery through TV, films, and the music industry. These media are all telling you something about yourself that may or may not be true, and as such your own space to find out for yourself and to determine yourself who you are is being undermined. At a time, when you are going through an emerging sexuality, you are basically being “told” that you can do anything, but you are the one who will suffer the consequences.
One of the emotions you might be going through is “the crush“, when one has a fixed emotional notion on a person. That person can be your teacher or a friend. However, a crush is about the unobtainable. This frightens you, and because it frightens you, you have become obsessed by it; hence, why you cannot help thinking about it. But as you said, this does not mean that you have same-sex attraction.
My dear son, you do not have to struggle with it. All you have to do is to firstly, stop listening and watching images that throw themselves at you. Think of the things that interest you, helps you develop your skills and brings you peace of mind. These are the activities that will help give you room to discover your own identity as a young man. If you have peers who “like to explore”, just be polite with them, but it does not mean you have to do as they do, and you do not have to refuse so that they give you a hard time about it. Just in a light – hearted way, let them know that you have other things to do.
Keep up your prayers regularly, and when possible, after prayer, sit for a while and read a few verses from the Qur`an, your book of guidance. This will be your rudder towards self-discovery, and attending a halaqa (study circle) will help to enhance your Islamic knowledge and your social development.
Salam,
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