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He’s Getting Married, But I Still Love Him

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Oct 01, 2018

Question

Assalamo alaikum. In the previous message, I wrote you about that guy who left me. I went through a lot because of him. You told me to block him from social media and i did and it started working. i used to think less about him then before.

Yesterday I went out with my friends at the mall and I saw him there and I remembered everything that happened before between us. He didn’t see me because the moment I saw me him I hide but at that time everything was fresh I forgot that I have to ignore him. I came back home and unblocked him and sent him a message that I saw him there. He started talking to me and 3 times he said to me that he misses me a lot.

He has signed his contract of marriage already and even he is not coming back for me, but we still love each other. I spoke to him last night and then after that, I blocked him again because I want to clear my heart.

I was coming to the straight path forgetting him…is it from Allah that I saw him there or what? I can’t understand. Please help me, dear.

Counselor

Answer


He's Getting Married, But I Still Love Him

In this counseling answer:

• He is going to get married to somebody else. As you stated, he signed his contract for marriage. You need to leave him alone not talk to him anymore nor message him.

• Write a journal concerning this issue.

• Make another list of the things that you would like to accomplish.

• It is a test from Allah.


As Salam Alaykum sister, 

Thank you for writing to us again with your further experiences and details. I am happy to hear that you did block him on social media and that you did start to think less about him.

Often times when we make a commitment to ourselves to begin to heal and progress in our lives, as well as progress within our spirituality, we start to feel better. Things that used to be in our minds such as thoughts of others, desire to want to contact those that are bad for us, thoughts of committing haram acts, start to disappear. These are some of the blessings from Allah.

We all fall short, unfortunately. You had a slip-up – as we all do. You reported that you did see him at the mall and although you did not say anything to him, when you came home you unblocked him and sent him a message. Sister, while that was not a wise thing to do because you were making so much progress, please insha’Allah consider it a minor setback. Think about the reality of the situation. He is going to get married to somebody else. As you stated, he signed his contract for marriage. You need to leave him alone not talk to him anymore nor message him. 

Insha’Allah, you need to continue to move on which means blocking him. An important thing to remember is that you need to “block” him in your thoughts. You can easily block him by pressing a “block” button on your phone. What is critical is that unless you truly block him in your thoughts and mind. It will be too easy to unblock him on your phone.

Trust and Depend on Allah

Please make duaa to Allah that Allah gives you the strength and the determination to get this boy out of your system once and for all.

Sister, I also ask that you write a journal concerning this issue. Please do insha’Allah, write down the very important and main points.

#1. Things did not work out between you before

#2. He is contracted to get married

#3. It is Haram to contact him and it is unhealthy for you to contact him.


Check out this counseling video:


Please, make another list of the things that you would like to accomplish.  This will help you to focus your time, energy, and thoughts on that. It could be anything from taking a class, joining a gym, planning for school or anything else that is positive and up building.

Insha’Allah, please focus on the things you write down that you are going to do that are positive. When you feel like messaging him or unblocking him, look at your list of why you should not, and then review your list of positive goals and activities. When you feel like you want to message, pray to Allah for strength and guidance. You want to please Allah, sister, as well as have a happy and pious lifestyle.

A Blessed Path

You stated that you blocked him in order to clear your heart. This shows great strength, as well as insight into what a negative effect being in contact with him, has on you. While no one knows if it is from Allah that you saw him at the mall or not, it could be that it was a test.  It is a test from Allah. Maybe you did not pass this test the first time as you unblocked him and messaged him. However,  I am confident insha’Allah that you will pass this test in another way-by not having anything to do with him anymore.

Sister, you are stronger now, you are more focused, and you have drawn closer to Allah in regards to your dean. Please do stay on this path for it is a blessed path that will bring you happiness.

We wish you the best you are in our prayers,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

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Want to Get Married, but We’re Still in College

Lust and Love Affair: Can I Marry Her?

 




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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