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Must I Sacrifice Friendship to Convert to Islam?

13 April, 2016
Q Hi there, I am an American girl who is thoroughly researching about Islam through books and internet and I'm really interested in Islam. However, I have come across few things that confuse me. First, I have read that men and women are forbidden from seeing each other in private and must "cast their eyes down." However, my best friend for the past six years has been a boy, so do I have to sacrifice my friendship if I convert to Islam? Does this go under the "struggling" factor of the religion? Second, I have read that Caucasian women who convert before they are married have a horrible time finding a husband since dating is not allowed and the chance of different races marrying are less likely to occur. This all seems like a Catch-22 to me! Please enlighten me, for I would greatly appreciate your advice.

Answer

Salam (Peace) Dear Helen,

Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.

You know what? Your question made me smile. It’s heartwarming to be reminded that women are the same the world over. Finding Mr. Right is always so important to every girl regardless of religion or culture.

Now let’s get serious. Religious belief is much deeper than a means to justify a personal relationship Helen, no matter how precious that relationship seems to us.

So if we’re sincere about adopting a religion for life, our focus should not be on how it would endorse our present choices or increase our chances in life, rather, it should be how it could contribute to making us better people in every aspect of life in relation to The Creator of this life, and the one after it.

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In other words, think of religion as your ultimate self-development course, and in that context, you can never imagine your potential and your new priorities and choices unless you actually go through the sessions and learn the new concepts and begin applying them.

Belief changes people Helen, it makes them grow inside in unimaginable ways, and it makes them put things into their true perspective, in a new way they have never experienced before.

So try not to make a choice now, and then shop for the beliefs that would endorse it, rather, focus on exploring the belief, then commit to making the necessary adjustments to your thoughts and your life as you progress.

And remember that people’s lives are unique stories, so even if there are hundreds of people around you who say one thing is impossible to achieve, you should remember that you could be the one person who might have what it takes to make it happen. This is the attitude Islam wants us to adopt.

Also, please use your critical thinking to avoid falling into following the crowd psychology: even if other women who became Muslims found it hard to get married (which is too generalized and unrealistic statement), does it follow that women who want to but do not become Muslims find it easier to get married?

And if so, are they happier in their marriages, than say, someone who never even got married, but is enjoying her life to the limit because she’s at peace with herself and her surroundings and enjoying working hard to achieve her goals in life?

Now, concerning your specific questions, instead of giving you the short answers I’m limited to in this space, let me help you find your own answers: God created men and women in the world when He could have created only one gender, right? Does it seem logical to you that He would then force them to live in two separate worlds? What purpose would that serve? And how could that contribute to the progress of this world?

Do you suppose struggling in religion would imply that people should struggle against their natures, or against twisting those natures to hurt themselves and others? In other words, struggling against destructive desires to degrade ourselves, indulge in pleasures or use others?

Marriage in Islam is designed to protect the couple and provide them with a clear set of rights and responsibilities, which means neither of them is allowed to just “walk out” on the other on a whim, or cheat behind their back or have one night stands or whatever other painful actions people in a love relationship endure.

So don’t just look at what you are perceiving as a limitation to your own actions, also consider how the same rule will grant you peace of mind and security if your partner applies it as well and controls his impulses.

I look forward to receiving more of your questions on your journey to discovering Islam and I wish you best of luck in your life.

Salam and please keep in touch.

About Sahar El-Nadi
Sahar El-Nadi is an Egyptian freelance journalist who traveled to 25 countries around the world and currently based in Cairo. Sahar also worked in many people-related careers in parallel, including presenting public events and TV programs; instructing training courses in communication skills; cross cultural issues; image consulting for public speakers; orientation for first-time visitors to the Middle East; and localization consulting for international educational projects.