15 August, 2018
Q
Salam. After a lot confusions i realized to write here in a hope to get out of my inner guilt. In short i want to give my family intro that i belong to a religious family. I'm blessed to be a part of this family. My great grandfather was a revered religious figure or you can say a sufi whose shrine is in Bangladesh. But life gives us such situations where we forget about our own existence. Something like that happened to me too. I gave saitan a chance to play with my mind and for that i wasted a year or so on some disgusting things. Hope I'd be blessed to get help from you. For the last 23 years i was being single as i never wanted to fall for someone rather than the man whom allah will send to me. When i was in university one of my teachers proposed me but i rejected him without thinking twice. In fact i controlled my mind every time my heart wanted to be weak. I was proud as i could keep myself within limit what many girls of my age failed. But then in last year of my university i fell in love with one of our professor. He used to talk with me regularly. For 6months we continued talking. So normally i got mentally attached with him. I then told everything to my mom. She said if he's a good guy then i should think about him as i was 24 by then. I prayed for him in my namaz, used to talk with my allah about him. And when some kind of coincidences happened i used to believe it was a sign from allah. But as I m an introvert i couldn't proceed myself and just waited for him to speak something. Like that 6 months passed. Then suddenly he stopped talking and after about 3months i got his marriage update on fb. I kind of changed after that. I shouldn't have lost my mind but to forget him i started to talk with many boys what i didn't do before. I skipped namaz. Got upset with allah. Continued chatting with some unknown guys. I can't believe how i could carry on some awful talks with unknown fb boys. Now I feel too guilty. Want to start the previous phase of my life again. I want the old me. Now again I want to keep myself reserved for the man whom Allah will send to me. But i don't know if allah would forgive me. I don't know how to erase this one disgusting year from my life. Please help me out of my guilt
Answer
Salam sister and thank you for contacting our web site.
Most young people go through phases when their faith is strong and they are close to Allah (SWT), but also go through phases when for one reason or another they become distant from Allah for a while.
To answer your question in brief, Allah (SWT) is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful, and He forgives all sins when a believer repents a sincere repentance and starts a new phase in their journey to Him.
We are all on a journey to Allah, and one day we will all return to Him, and He will hold us accountable for what we did in this life.
To prepare for that Day, we have an opportunity now to repent and return to the Straight Path.
You mentioned that you now feel guilty for that year you were away from Allah’s Path, and that is a good start for a sincere repentance.
Repenting from sins between a Muslim and Allah (SWT) involves three main conditions:
1- To feel sorry for our past sins
2- To ask Allah (SWT) to forgive and accept our repentance
3- To be determined never to commit these sins in the future.
If the sin involves harm done to someone else, then there is a fourth condition to add to the above three which is to repair the damage done to this person.
In your case, as the sins are between you and Allah (SWT) you need to fulfill the first three conditions and be determined not to commit them again.
To help return to the Straight Path, try also to increase your good deeds as much as you can, especially in these blessed days of Dhul Hijjah, as good deeds erase bad deeds, as Allah (SWT) said in the Qur’an:
“And establish prayer at the two ends of the day and at the approach of the night. Indeed, good deeds do away with misdeeds. That is a reminder for those who remember.” (11:114)
https://quran.com/11/114
So do as many good deeds as you can, and if you are able to fast on the Day of Arafah next Monday please do so as it expiates the sins of two years (the past year and the next).
May Allah (SWT) forgive us all.
Ameen
For more details related to your question, you may also wish to check the following links:
https://aboutislam.net/spirituality/steps-to-repentance-that-will-grant-you-forgiveness/
https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/finding-peace/remembering-allah/repentance-asking-forgiveness-difference/
https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/finding-peace/remembering-allah/8-benefits-of-istighfar-from-the-quran/
We hope you find this answer useful In-Shaa-Allah.
May Allah (SWT) make all matters easy for you and guide us all to His Straight Path.
Ameen
With salam and best regards
Ask About Islam Editor
About Islam.net
https://aboutislam.net/ask-about-islam/
