However, my mom tells me that I have to show up in all social events so that guys see me and I have to live in an Arabic country because there are higher chances of finding guys there and someone might introduce me to a guy.
What should I do? Should I wait and see what Allah Almighty has decreed for me living in any part of the world or go to an Arabic country and attend social gatherings so that people see me and introduce me to someone?
Answer
Wa `alaykum as-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
In this fatwa:
1- Though everything happens in this world is predestined by Allah Almighty, we are ordained to take all the possible means to achieve our goals.
2- You should take all the lawful steps you can for seeking marriage as long as you abide by the Shari`ah rules.
Responding to your question, the prominent Muslim scholar and da`iyah based in London Zienab Mostafa, states:
Is Marriage Predestined?
It is true that marriage is part of Allah’s qadar. However, we ought to take all means possible to achieve our goals. That is why we are responsible for our actions. Also we will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment for them.
Social interaction where you still abide by the rules of Islam is one way of seeking marriage in the lawful ways. That could be in Islamic events, volunteering, assisting in youth or mosque activities, etc. You should try to be in more Islamic gatherings.
In addition, through your social network or friends and family members you can ask to be introduced to whoever interested.
There is no harm even if a woman introduces herself to a man. The Mother of the Believers, Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) offered herself to the Prophet (peace be upon him).
I am not asking you to do the same, but I am just explaining that it is not a shame. Taking lawful means to get married should not be a ground for embarrassment.
As for going to an Arab country, it is not a bad idea. But it is your choice that you will have to make. I ask Allah to make things easy for you.
Allah Almighty knows best.
Editor’s note: This fatwa is from Ask the Scholar’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date.