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University Was My Only Hope to Escape from Family

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 20, 2017

Question

As-Salam Alaikum. I am very confused in my life. I don’t like any of my family members :(. I really want to study. My dream was to become a doctor, but I couldn't join the university. There has no scope. People think that the girl who is doing bsc. is only suited for marriage. All these negativities has made me lose my interest in studies. However, if my dream of becoming a doctor does not come true, then why should I study bsc? I was also sexually harassed by one of my family members ( a close relative). He does not feel any regret and comes to our house without any guilt. Even my parents and family members praise him as if he was the most generous person on earth. My parents are financially dependent on him and I cannot say a word. Education was the only thing that helped me to forget everything. Now, even that is not there. What should I do? I am in this depressed state since for 2 years.

Counselor

Answer


University Was My Only Hope to Escape from Family

In this counseling answer:

“If becoming a doctor is your dream, then you should not give up so easily. You should keep trying. No education is a wasting of time or energy. In regards to your family member who abused you: please, do not keep quiet. Tell your parents or some family members about what he has done to you.”


As-Salaam ‘Aleikom,

Thank for writing to us. We appreciate it. I will try to help you the best I can, In sha’ Allah.

I can understand that you must be feeling disheartened because you did not pass the medical entrance exam. But it does not mean that you are not intelligent or can’t study something else. Have you tried giving the entrance exam again? Maybe if you try again, you pass.

If becoming a doctor is your dream, then you should not give up so easily. You should keep trying. Bsc is not bad. No education is a wasting of time or energy. If studying makes you happy and distracted from being sad, I suggest you focus on your studies as it will pay off later in life. To have an education is a lifetime investment which is important to have.

Depression can affect your mood and control your life. We all have moods when we feel low or sad. These feelings normally pass after a short period of time. When you feel sad or have a low mood for more than 2-3 weeks, it might be depression you are going through. Getting some counseling or professional help might help you with your depression.

Usually, it helps to talk to parents or family when you are going through some difficult time, but it seems like you are not very attached to them. I don’t know the reason for you disliking your family, but you have to know that they are the closest people in your life. No matter if you get along with them or not, your parents will always have your best interest.

Unfortunately, sometimes, the culture we live in and the people around us influence our thinking so we forget to think for ourselves. Parents always want the best for their children. You might not always feel this. It is not that they do not care, but they just do not know how to show. It can be because of their own upbringing and how their parents were with them.

You do not have to agree with everything your parents say. If they tell you that your Bsc. studies are not good enough, you should not agree with them, but you should not disrespect them. Know their value in Islam and what it teaches us to do. Allah (swt) has said in the Qur’an:

”Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not them a word of contempt, not repel them, but address them in terms of honor.” (17:23)

If your parents want to get you married, and you don’t want to marry yet, I suggest that you talk to them in a good manner and try to explain to them that you want to study further and want to wait for marriage. You are only 19 years old. I am sure they will understand you if you sit down and talk to them honestly.

In regards to the family member who sexually harassed, I am sorry to hear about what you have been through. Family members should be there to support you, not people who abuse you. I can understand that it is hard for you to speak about this guy, but I suggest that you do it anyway. If you do not tell your parents about his true face, then he will continue to misuse the trust your parents have in him. Do not give him the chance to do so. If you have younger siblings, you can prevent them from this too. People like him should not be allowed to enter into your house. Please, do not keep quiet. Tell your parents or some family members about what he has done to you.

I also suggest that you continue your studies. Do not give up on anything you dream of.

May Allah (swt) ease your tension and give you strength to carry on with your studies.

Ameen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hadia Ali

Hadia Ali is a 27 years old Pakistani Muslim woman, born and bred in Norway. She has obtained her bachelor's degree in Sociology from Norway. Currently, she lives in the UK with her husband and two children. Email: micha.agr@gmail.com

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