Answer
Answer:
Dear sister,
Thank you for your question.
Actually, many people have similar questions and experience feelings of doubt. We often get discouraged when things don’t go as planned. However, it seems that you have been experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression on several levels to the point that it makes you feel suicidal.
To make sure that I understand you correctly, let me summarize what you wrote. You stated that you feel you have a thankless nature. You feel this aspect of your nature prevents you from enjoying the present and your life overall. You only think about the future.
Additionally, you stated that when things don’t go as planned, you often lose faith in Allah (swt). You experience anxiety whenever you pray. When things do not go your way, you become suicidal and feel that your life should come to an end.
Other stressors that you have been experiencing include your belief that your parents have not made a significant effort to help you get married. It seems that your parents do not pressure you to get married. They believe that marriage will happen in Allah’s (swt) time and when it is best.
Sister, your first statement about your personality and nature is an indication to me that you seem to be very critical of yourself by calling yourself a person with a thankless nature. Based on your statement, this is either something someone has told you about yourself and you have now come to believe it and internalized it. Or this is something you say to yourself as a result of low self-esteem.
It also seems that the symptoms of anxiety and rumination have had a significant impact on your self-esteem. This negative self-talk has a significant impact on you emotionally, psychologically. It affects your ability to cope with stressors in life in a healthy way.
Eliminating this habit of negative self-talk, first and foremost, will put you on the path to developing a more positive outlook on life.
Be More Positive
Here are a few more strategies that you may incorporate into your routine to become more positive about life:
– When feeling emotionally triggered and having negative thoughts about yourself, counter them with rationalization: why are you are thinking this about yourself? What evidence do you have for this to be true? Choose a few positive affirmations that you can say to yourself in the morning and in the night before you go to bed so that you can start and begin your day on a positive note. 
– Stay physically active. Exercise is a healthy way to counter a depressed mood. However, during feelings of anxiety, negative self-talk and depression, I would also encourage you to work through these emotions as mentioned above, and then go for a walk or talk it out with a local counselor or therapist that can provide you with additional tools to cope with these symptoms.
– Du’aa’ and prayer are very powerful tools for coping with depression. Within various du’aa’, there are positive themes such as faith, hope, courage, and trust that Allah (swt) has a brighter future in store for you. Incorporating these types of du’aa’ into your daily routine will also be helpful. If you have additional questions about what types of du’aa’ include these types of affirmations, I would encourage you to go to “Ask About Islam” section of our website for additional information.
– Smile! The simple act of smiling can put an individual in a good mood, so smiling when you are happy and when you are feeling depressed will help you cope with more difficult moments in your life.
Also, you mentioned that you feel your parents are too relaxed about you getting married. The fact that your parents have faith that Allah (swt) has someone out there for you, but they are not pressuring you into a marriage that you do not want to be in is an incredibly positive situation. Although, it may feel that things are not going your way, it seems that you do have a loving family who accepts of you married or not.
Your expressions of suicide are an indication that the negative thoughts come to you frequently. I would highly recommend reaching out to a local mental health practitioner to discuss these thoughts that you are experiencing regarding death and suicide.
Salam,
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.