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Since I Wore Hijab, My Life Has Been Ruined

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 17, 2018

Question

Salam. I am a 26 years old girl from Pakistan. I am a born Muslim but started practicing Islam a year ago. I am hamdulillah regular at prayers, wear hijab, don't go out with men, etc. However, I have started to feel that everything has been taken away from me since I started doing this. I love Allah so much and have no doubt in His mercy. But I still can’t understand. I was considered one of the prettiest girls everywhere I go, but since I moved towards Islam, my hair has started losing badly. I visited every famous doctor but nothing has worked. Surprisingly, they can’t even diagnose the reason behind it. My skin is ruined and nothing seems to work. I am not getting any marriage proposals anymore due to hair and skin. Why is it happening when I was trying to do good?

Counselor

Answer


Since I Wear Hijab, My Life Has Ruined

In this counseling answer:

• Appearance really isn’t the most important thing.

• The way you respond to your trial, by seeing benefit in it and trusting Allah (swt) to see you through, will make clear to Allah (swt) that you truly are a believer.


As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,

Alhamdulillah, this is great that you have found your way back to being a practising Muslim once again. May Allah (swt) keep you on the straight path.

Firstly, you need to understand that appearance really isn’t the most important thing. What’s important is what is in your heart, and alhamdulillah you have now showed that what is in your heart is pure as you have started praying regularly and wearing hijab.

Whilst you might feel like your appearance stops you from getting proposals, look at it this way: at least now you know that any proposal you are getting is due to your character, and not just because of the way you look. Certainly, looks can count for something in a relationship, but the primary thing that will keep a marriage going is good character with appearance playing little or no part in maintaining a healthy marriage.

Additionally, you also say that you have stopped going out with men, so the reason you get less proposals now could literally be due to the fact that you don’t free mix with men anymore. This is also a good thing, sister, because it also means that when you do meet someone, it will have been through halal means. The man will see you as a more respectable women as you don’t mix with other men which again creates grounds for a successful marriage, in sha’ Allah.

There is also another way we can look at this. When things seem to be going well, people will forget Allah (swt), but when things are not going well, people call out to Allah (swt). We can very much see this with your situation – when you were engaged in free mixing, not praying and not wearing hijab, you say you were not practising Islam. But it seems since you’ve come to Islam, things have started to “go wrong” apparently, yet you continue to practise. This is the beauty in trial, sister. When Allah (swt) sends us trial, we go to Him (swt) and pray to Him (swt), so it’s a way of drawing us close to Him (swt).

Also, remember this verse:

“Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried?”(Qur’an, 29:2)

Allah (swt) puts us through such tests to sort out the believers from nonbelievers. The way you respond to your trial, by seeing benefit in it and trusting Allah (swt) to see you through, will make clear to Allah (swt) that you truly are a believer. So, you see, whilst your situation might feel like a bad one, if you look deeper, you will find there is much benefit in it too.

May Allah (swt) keep you on the straight path and bring you a spouse that will be the coolness of your eyes, and you of his.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

To Wear Hijab or Not, Help Me Decide

Muslim Women Speak Out on Hijab

Hijab… a Must, Not a Choice




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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