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We Sacrificed Our Love for The Sake of Parents

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 25, 2018

Question

As-Salamu Aleikom. I am in love with a girl for 3 years. We are both Muslims. We tried to convenience our parents for a year. My parents agreed but her parents refused. They started torturing her, and forcefully they were telling her to marry another guy. After lot of thinking, we decided to sacrifice of our love for our parents’ happiness. Now, she got married to another guy. She still wants to be in contact with me, but as it is wrong, I will not to be in contact with her, although, it hurts a lot. I can’t tolerate this pain. I am dying inside. I can’t forget her. What can I do?

Counselor

Answer


We Sacrificed Our Love for The Sake of Parents

In this counseling answer:

• Since the girl is now married, you should not contact her again.

• Accept the situation by understanding the underlying idea that whatever happened was Allah’s (swt) will.

• Go for a vacation. Do things that you enjoy.


Wa ‘Aleikum Salam,

It is unfortunate that you and this girl were unable to marry each other. Regarding parents’ opinion in marriage, our scholar states: “One of the main duties upon man is to be dutiful to his parents because Allah (swt) the Almighty says:

Thy Lord has decreed, that you worship none save Him, and (that you show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not ‘Fie’ unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word.’ (Qur’an 17: 23) 

However, parents are not allowed to force their children to marry someone they don’t wish to.”

But since the girl is now married, you should not contact her again. It is good that you understand and realize that maintaining any contact with her is inappropriate (and hurtful), and you should tell this to her as well. You must be assertive and stern when you say this. Wish her good luck with her life, cut all connections and move on.


Check out this counseling video:


Move On

It will be difficult for you to get over your past, but I would advise you to take some time, and when you are ready for it, start your search for a spouse. Before you do that, please prepare and educate yourself about what Islam teaches regarding marriage and seeking a spouse.

Experiencing pain, depression, isolation, anger, and anxiety is common in such cases like yours. Accept and acknowledge it. The main point here is not to lose your self-confidence and your faith in Allah (swt). Accept the situation by understanding the underlying idea that whatever happened was Allah’s (swt) will. We don’t know the future and the unseen – Allah (swt) does, so trust Him (swt) that whatever happens is at the end for your benefit, in sha’Allah, even if you cannot see how the wisdom behind.

Don’t dig into the past. Amend your thoughts and refrain from dwelling on them as if the girl was in your life you would have had a better time, or if her parents would have allowed, things would have been different. The moment you get these thoughts, direct your attention to something else. That’s called cognitive restructuring. You might face difficulty at first, but everything will soon be fine, in sha’ Allah.

It is good to keep away from the whole scenario for a while. Take a break, go for a vacation. Feel the fresh air and breathe. Enjoy the beauty of nature. Go out with friends, concentrate on your studies, involved in activities, sports, look for a job and start to add something new into your life. Most importantly, pray. Trust Allah (swt), and give it some time!

 Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Depression & My Arranged Marriage

He was Forced to Marry Her but Still Wants Me

Father Pushed Me into Marriage & Left Me in a Mess




About Atika Ali Hussein

Atika Ali Hussain received her BA in Social Sciences from Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto Institute of Science and Technology (SZABIST) and has 3 gold medals in Psychology. She has been working as freelance writer for 6 years for WriterBay and volunteering in an orphanage. You can contact her on her blog: www.lifelogpkblog.wordpress.com

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