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My Classmate Punched Me: How to Overcome My Fear & Anger?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Oct 30, 2017

Question

There was a guy who punched me in class and left a mark in my mouth for defending myself about 3 years ago. I wrote some questions to stop being afraid that he would punch me again in the streets when he meets me and to stop feeling angry about that mark in my mouth. These are two emotions surrounding fear and anger. He said to me on Facebook that he will not do that but I don't believe him he used to lie every time on the class when I complain to the teachers that he annoyed me. He might punch me because I wrote questions mentioning that he was a bully (didn't mention the name of that guy). Can you tell me the Islamic way to overcome fear and anger?

Counselor

Answer


My Classmate Punched Me: How to Overcome My Fear & Anger?

In this counseling answer:

“Sometimes in situations where bullying takes place in a school, it is useful to have a meeting between the parents, teachers, and both yourself and the boy. Not only will this make you feel supported and secure that everyone is aware of what is going on and your fears, but it also lets the bully know that his behavior is unacceptable and everyone is aware of it and keeping an eye on the situation. ”


As-Salamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh sister,

You did the right thing to consult the teachers as a result of your classmate’s behavior. You need to understand here that the problem lies with him. You have every right to be angry towards him as well as fearing what he might to do to you. After all, he hurt you once before. His behavior is completely unacceptable. You should not have to live a life full of fear every time you go to school.

The fact that you have contact on Facebook only extends the problem beyond the classroom alone. This will inevitably make you feel even more fearful as it is not just a problem restricted to the school environment, but now outside of school and on social media.

The first thing I would advise is cutting contact with him altogether. Contact with him alone is not acceptable anyway, even if no abuse was present. If you are not in contact with him in social media, then he cannot say things to you that will induce the fear that you experience.

Make sure to always be with others so that he will be less likely to touch you or say unkind words to you. If he should dare to do so, then at least you will not feel so vulnerable with others around, plus he may be less likely to say or do anything due to the presence of others. Furthermore, should he actually do anything, there will be others present who will be able to support your case.

There are some other ways in which you can tackle this situation. If you are comfortable to do so, then you can tell your parents about what he is doing. They may choose to speak to his parents and have them talk to him about it. He may be more responsive to his parents tackling his behavior. It may be that they also speak to the school directly so that they can be aware of what is going on and keep a close eye on the situation.

Sometimes in situations where bullying takes place in a school, it is useful to have a meeting between the parents, teachers, and both yourself and the boy. Not only will this make you feel supported and secure that everyone is aware of what is going on and your fears, but it also lets the bully know that his behavior is unacceptable and everyone is aware of it and keeping an eye on the situation. This can obviously only happen if you report to your parents what is happening or to the teachers or both.

Please don’t allow him to bully you into not saying anything about it or you will continue to live in fear. His behavior is not ok and he needs to be corrected on it if it is to successfully stop.

In the meantime, seek strength with Allah (swt). This will also help you to deal with the fear. Remember that Allah (swt) is the only one to fear and your fear towards this boy will reduce. Remember that Allah (swt) is the most Just and will deal with this boy’s behavior accordingly. Feel confident in this Mercy of Allah (swt) until things are sorted. Difficult as it is also, you can pray for Allah (swt) to soften the heart of the boy also that he will behave more kindly towards you and guide him aright.

May Allah (swt) protect and you and guide the boy who bullies you. May you find comfort in the remembrance of Allah (swt), and may He bring peace to the situation for you that you can live a life free of the fear you currently face each day.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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