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About to Lose My friend Because of My Caring

10 July, 2017
Q I have a friend who is going through a wrong relationship. So I told her father to save her, and her father saved her. Her father told her that how he knew her relationship which is not what I have shown ( I have shown her father a message but he told her daughter he has a voice clip of her daughter which is given by me). In this case, she said to me I betrayed her by recording her voice clip (but I did not). Another issue is one of my friends telling false things against me ( he is saying the false word against me by which she getting a bad impression about me) rather I thought he will portray my original image and make her understand. What can I do in this situation? How can I make her understand that he (my another friend) said a false word against me which are not true? 

Answer

In this counseling answer:

The counselor advises the questioner to arrange to meet with her friend and her father and to be open and honest about the situation. Being honest about why she did, what she did, and that she did it for her own benefit. If this fails, then just turn back to Allah in remembrance that He is her judge and the opinions of others will be quite irrelevant when it matters most.


Assalamu alaikum brother,

It certainly is a tricky situation to be in when you want to do right by someone to ensure that they follow the correct path and don’t fall into trouble, but at the same time now word has gotten back to her that you were the source it has made things difficult for you. To make it worse, your friend is now also contributing to the lie putting added pressure on you.

The most important thing, first of all, is to know that the most important thing is that Allah knows the truth and ultimately He will be the one that judges you.  Not this girl and not your friend. When you consider this you will find ease in the knowledge that Allah’s judgments are more important than anyone else’s in this life. Allah knows that you did what you did in order to help your friend. If your intentions were pure, then you have no need to worry because Allah will reward you for your good intentions.

However, it is understandable that the situation still makes you feel uncomfortable as you are being falsely accused. You could begin by arranging to meet with her and her father and just be open and honest about the situation. Be honest about why you did what you did, and that you did it for her own benefit.

Her father will also be there to support and back up what you say, as he was witness to everything and can testify to support your side of the argument.  As her father it is likely she trusts him and respects him and therefore may be more likely to believe what he says and understand the truth of the intentions behind your actions. She will also be more clear then that she should not believe the lie that your friend told on you.

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If this fails, then just turn back to Allah in remembrance that He is your judge and the opinions of others will be quite irrelevant when it matters most. Otherwise, in the mean time, being patient with the situation, it may be that the truth naturally comes out and she will come to realize why you did what you did as she gets the opportunity to reflect in the scenario.

In the mean time, continue to remain calm and make du’a for the situation. Repel any evil actions with better by remaining of good character so as not to give a bad impression of yourself and feed further into the lies. Even though you may not feel calm at first eventually practicing a calm attitude will make you feel calm. A calm attitude will place you better to respond appropriately to the situation without behaving irrationally in resonating to the wrong that has been done to you.

May Allah give you patience and make things easy for you during this testing time.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)