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Lonely Revert: No One Wants to Be a Mentor to Me

Questioner

R

Reply Date

Mar 28, 2018

Question

How to deal with loneliness and depression as a single Muslimah? I am a convert to Islam. While I’m very happy to be building my relationship with Allah, I am struggling with loneliness and depression. Many of the sisters in my local mosque around my age are very standoffish and tend to clique up. I have an older Muslim friend who has taken me under her wing, but she has a family and works. I’m finding it difficult to connect with other Muslims since I work two jobs and can’t go to the mosque very often. I’m single and live alone so most of the time I feel like it is just me and Allah. I have been considering searching for a husband to help alleviate my loneliness, but I want to hold off for a while until I build my relationship with Allah and figure out if I want to remain in college or go to a vocational school. What can I do to find companions until I am ready to get married? No one wants the burden of being a mentor/friend to a convert. I often feel like an abandoned toddler forced to learn a new language, culture, religion, and mannerisms all on my own.

Counselor

Answer


Lonely Revert: No One Wants to Be a Mentor to Me

In this counseling answer:

“I know the feelings of loneliness can be overwhelming as a revert as we all need good Muslim sisters to do things with, learn from, and feel connected to. But, in sha’ Allah, it will change in time. I encourage you to reach out to other Muslims and other venues (meet-ups, study groups, etc.) to make friends.”


As-Salamu ‘alaykum dear sister,

I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are going through in the social areas of your life. It is wonderful that you place great emphasis on building a relationship with Allah as well as learning of Islam, but as a human being, you also need friends and good companions to do things with and learn from.

Sadly, when some revert to Islam, they often find it difficult to know where and how to fit in due to some sisters seeming to be standoffish. Although this should not be a problem in our ummah, often it is due to culture, traditions, long-standing friendships, etc. Sometimes, sisters are not aware of a new revert Muslim’s need of friends and, thus, the revert is left on her own. May Allah touch the hearts of these Muslimahs and make them more welcoming and inclusive of others.

With that said sister, I would kindly suggest you to visit other mosques, if you are able. Expand your circle of Muslim contacts beyond just that mosque.

Also, there are Muslim meet-ups all over. If you google “Muslim Meet Up” in your area, you may find some Islamic groups who meet and study Islam while also engaging in fun, social activities. If you use Facebook, there are groups for reverts which may prove to be encouraging and useful.

Also, as you stated you were in college, check out your student associations and see if there are any Muslim groups you could join. Most colleges and universities have them.

I know the feelings of loneliness can be overwhelming as a revert as we all need good Muslim sisters to do things with, learn from, and feel connected to. But, in sha’ Allah, it will change in time. I encourage you to reach out to other Muslims and other venues (meet-ups, study groups, etc.) to make friends. In the meantime, you will come to know what works for you and surely Allah will guide you. Make du’aa’ that He guides you towards righteous, good friends.

You are in our prayers dear sister. Please let us know how you are doing.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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