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I’m a Teenager & in Love with a Guy

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 16, 2018

Question

I am 16 years old girl. A guy just came into my life. He likes me for 2 years and did not tell me until a month ago. He is religious, good person, and also have a good mentality. We both decided to not indulge in a relationship because the age of 16 is a very delicate age and a relationship is a big decision. We have never met each other, we just talk online very decently. But I think I am doing something wrong and haram and unpleasing to Allah (swt). Please tell me what should I do? Should I end up talking to him or something else please tell me.

Counselor

Answer


I'm a Teenager & in Love with a Boy

In this counseling answer:

“I would advise you to either forget about him or approach the matter in a halal way.”


 As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,

I am glad that you have decided to seek advice. Being in a relationship outside of marriage is very common in today’s time although it has extremely negative repercussions.

I am sure that you are aware that it is haram Islamically to be in a relationship with the opposite gender outside of marriage. Islam simply does not permit such activities, and there is great wisdom behind every prohibition Allah (swt) has fixed.

Firstly, when two individuals are in a relationship before marriage, they lack a purpose of being together. What is the point of being with the opposite gender without commitment? It is simply to quench a desire, or a result of peer pressure, or the result of the surrounding environment.

During teenage years, physiological and physical changes start happening. Individuals start experiencing feelings for the other gender. However, during this time, it very important to guard thoughts and actions on the basis of reason. This is exactly why spare time should be spent on useful activities.

It is true that in today’s time and age there is access to all types of fitnah. But there is also access to all types of resources of knowledge and wisdom. You can find myriad lectures on YouTube; however, many individuals chose to spend the same time watching lewdness. As a person of logic and reason, you must decide what is best although it may not be easy.

In his book, Patience and Gratitude, Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah states that,

“If a man’s patience is stronger than his whims and desires, then he is like an angel, but if his whims and desires are stronger than his patience, then he is like a devil. If his desire for food, drink, and sex is stronger than his patience, then he is no better than an animal.”

When you ponder over the sentence above, I am sure you will realize that it is much easier to let your desires and whims take over. However, it is much harder to override them with patience and right actions.


Check out this counseling video:


Dear sister, I do not believe that the boy loved you since he was 14. If you have heard this term before, the ‘love’ teenagers feel is called a “crush” – seeing someone and feeling ‘love’ for them. This is fairly common amongst children and adults starting as young as 10 years of age. Crush tends to fade away within months and sometimes within a year or two.

However, if an individual tries hard to divert their attention towards their education and spend time doing productive activities, such thoughts will not bother them. And even if they do, they can be warded off be remembering Allah (swt). These thoughts are nothing but whispers of Shaytan. However, such thoughts should definitely not be strong enough to force you to approach an individual for indulging in any form of contact with them.

When I was about to start high school, at the age of 14, my dad told me that anytime bad/ill thoughts and whispers of Shaytan occupy my mind, I should read Surah An-Nas. After reading the translation of this surah and reading on its history, I realized the importance this chapter of the Quran held. I will advise you do the same.

“Say, “I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind, The Sovereign of mankind. The God of mankind, From the evil of the retreating whisperer – Who whispers [evil] into the breasts of mankind -From among the jinn and mankind.” (114: 1-6)

Secondly, many individuals claim to be religious. You should beware of those people who label themselves as religious but speak to the opposite gender without a proper reason, flirt with them, and chat unnecessarily with them. They are not who they claim to be. A true Allah-fearing person will never indulge in Facebook chats and text messages for passing time.

Lastly, on a different note, if you are sure about him and can see him as your potential husband, I would advise you to speak with your parents about him. Approach everything in the light of the Quran and the Sunnah.

In summary, I would advise you to either forget about him or approach the matter in a halal way.

I hope my answer provided you the guidance you were seeking.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Madiha Sadaf

Madiha Sadaf in an undergraduate student at the University of Ottawa, enrolled in BSc. with Major in Biology and Psychology with Minor in Health Social Sciences.

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