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I Feel Suicidal for Hugging My Boyfriend

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 02, 2018

Question

I recently met my boyfriend during Ramadan. We both were fasting but we hugged each other. My boyfriend had an orgasm. It was during our fast.

I am at such a bad dilemma that he is very sad about it and doesn’t want to talk to me. I feel like killing myself and feel bad about him being through this because of me.

Is there any way out? I just don't want him to be punished. Please, can u tell me what is to be done and how can we make it to it?

Counselor

Answer


I Feel Suicidal for Hugging My Boyfriend

In this counseling answer:

• I would urge you to go to your doctor or a counselor as soon as possible regarding feeling suicidal.

• Avoid any contact with the guy or propose to him.

• Take care of yourself; spend time with friends.


Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakah,

Firstly, and most importantly, I would urge you to go to your doctor or a counselor as soon as possible regarding feeling suicidal. If you have been feeling this way for a while, then please do make this a matter of urgency. If you would feel more comfortable, take a friend or family member along.

Regarding the Islamic rulings on what happened, you can ask a scholar who will be able to advise on your situation. However, I can give you guidance on the psychological aspects of the situation.

In the meantime, I can advise on the specific situation you are writing in about. As difficult as it has been for you, the fact that you are both feeling so bad about what has happened is a good thing. It means you feel some remorse for what has happened. This will make it easier for you to humble yourself before Allah in seeking His forgiveness.

Sincerely Repent

As I’m sure you are aware, having boyfriends/girlfriends in Islam is not permitted. Unfortunately, you have suffered the consequences of this. However, all is not lost Allah loves to forgive so do be sure to repent to Him and seek comfort in His remembrance, maintaining your obligations to Allah alongside repentance. This will help you to find comfort during these distressing time.

Seeking Allah’s forgiveness lets him know that you are truly sorry for what has happened. You are humbling yourself in front of the Most Forgiving seeking His Mercy.


Check out this counseling video:


Avoid Any Contact with the Guy

Additionally, the negative feelings will protect you from doing things in the future that you fear may anger Allah. It is advisable in this situation that you avoid contact with this guy for now to avoid anything like this happening again. This may be tough, but for the sake of Allah, it will ease your difficulties.

If you wish to have contact with him again, make sure to have a mahram present to avoid interactions getting to a point where further sin may be committed.

You May Propose to Him

If you are serious about him, then you might consider marriage to him by arranging meetings between the families, to begin with. Alternatively, if you feel like marrying him may be a bad idea given your history, yet still feel the need for the companionship that marriage brings, then you could ask your family to help you find a spouse.

Aside from all this, considering all the distress you are going through, for the sale of your psychological wellbeing, make sure to take good care of yourself. Spend time with people, get sufficient sleep, eat and exercise well and continue to do all the things that you enjoy. These things will help you to remain in the most positive stare whilst facing difficulties. It will make it easier for you to manage your situation most effectively whilst boosting your wellbeing.

May Allah forgive you both and guide you to make the best decision about where to go from here that will be good for you as well as bringing you happiness and contentment.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more: 

Engaged Couples Hanging out Together: Allowed?

Falling in Love When Young: Allowed?

I’m a Teenager & in Love with a Guy




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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