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How to Boast My Self-Confidence?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 30, 2017

Question

Salam Aleikom. My problem is that I do not have confidence in myself. I make lots of errors and I am not a smart person. I do not get things easily and even when I get it the result is always bad. I want to know if there is something I need to do but I am not aware of?

Counselor

Answer


How to Boast My Self-Confidence?

Answer:

As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Everyone suffers from low self-confidence or lack of confidence from time to time. However, it seems that in your case you feel this way generally most of the time. I would kindly suggest that you make a list of the things that you are good at, the things you have accomplished as well as activities and skills you would like to improve upon.

Please review your list of things you are good at and your list of accomplishments daily. This will help you keep a balance regarding the things you feel you cannot do. Look at your list of things you want to improve upon, whether it is communication skills, problem-solving, completing a chore, a school or work issue or learning a new concept. Examine the steps needed to understand the task.

List the options and steps towards being more effective in doing the said task. For instance, when I wanted to write grants I had to take a class in grant writing. I then had to learn how to write grants. I went through a period of several trials and errors, but I finally got it!

Making errors is expected and normal. However, the problem is when we do not investigate how to do things differently to produce more effective results. Often times we give up even before we have put in full efforts. By giving up too soon and believing in our own self-doubts and our perceived lack of abilities, it can lead us into a vicious cycle of failure – failure that is self-induced and not a true representation of who we are.

You are an intelligent, capable young women. Please, tell yourself that daily, in fact, several times a day! The more you tell yourself this the more your brain will begin to believe it. It is kind of a form of self CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy).

When we begin to change our negative belief systems into positive ones, it is then reflected in our behavior and actions, in sha’ Allah. As you begin to change your thinking about yourself, also begin to strategize on what steps are needed to successfully complete something.

Additionally, please do look at your environment. Are you in a place that is free from distractions, stress and other interfering variables? Are you around people who build you up and not put you down? These are very important factors to look at because if you live under stressful conditions, it may be hard to cope mentally, emotionally, as well as intellectually.

If you are around people who are constantly saying negative things to you or about you, it may be very difficult to build up your self-esteem and confidence. In sha’ Allah, surround yourself with uplifting people and an environment conducive to your intellectual, mental, and spiritual growth and development.

In sha’Allah, find the things you are good at as well as be willing to try new things and develop new strategies for learning tasks. Find what works for you. Some people learn best by visual, others by hands-on and still others by auditory. Often times when we have low self-confidence, we are afraid to try new or different things for fear of failure. Please, do make efforts to overcome that if it is applicable to your situation. By trying new things, new ways of doing things, we tap into our creativity as well as form new pathways in our brains for learning. I am confident you will be successful in these endeavors sister, just believe in yourself and don’t fear failure. Failure is only baby steps to success. It is how we learn and grow. Make du’aa’ to Allah (swt) for guidance and ease, sister. Pray that Allah (swt) restores your confidence and brings you joy and success in your future endeavors. Allah (swt) is most merciful but often we must take the first steps!

You are in our prayers.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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