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My Friend Wants to Run Away from Abuse

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 04, 2018

Question

Thank you very much for your answer, sister. I think I didn't mention that my friend is 18 years old right now and I am 16. I am working and she is searching for work too in order to move to a new home. I think I will contact some organization and try to help her. We also want to move because next year, we will go to another school and we want to live near there. In Spain, some people live alone at 16 and it's normal. My parents are comprehensive with me and will not be against my decision. They always support me. One of the biggest problems is that her mother thinks that the way her husband treats her is normal. She thinks that when her child will marry, she will be alone and only her husband will be there to take care of her. Her brother is not abused by his father right now. I think it's because he is studying at the university and his father wants him to love him, in order to have money when he has a good job. For the moment, my friend is trying her best to avoid problems in her family. Thank you very much.

Counselor

Answer


Friend Wants to Run Away from Abuse

In this counseling answer:

“The Prophet Mohammad never beat his wives. In fact, he said, “The best among you is the one who treats his family the best, and I am the one who treats his family the best.”

Part 1 of the Question


As Salamu Alaykum,

Thank you for providing more detailed information. As it is normal for some to move out of their parents’ home at 16 in your country, and your parents are supportive, insha’Allah it will be beneficial to you, especially since you will be attending another school. It sounds like you have things for your future planned out quite well, sister.  You sound very mature and focused on your studies, alhumdulilah!

As far as your friend, even though she is 18, she is still being abused and is in a dangerous situation. May Allah reward you for trying to help her. She is blessed to have a wonderful friend like you.

It is often times the case that a mom, who is being abused as well, does not want to be left alone with the abuser (her husband). Even if she may think this is normal behavior, it still hurts and it is still scary.

As you stated, your friend’s brother is away at a university studying, your friend’s mom would be alone. However, this should not stop your friend from getting help as soon as possible to get out of this abusive and dangerous situation. Insha’Allah, she may be able to get her mom help as well. As we love our mom’s very much, we do not want to leave them or see them being hurt or abused. However, in your friend’s situation perhaps by her taking the first step, her mom might follow.

Often times, sister, when you have not seen a healthy marital relationship, or you come from a home or even society wherein abuse of women is overlooked or accepted, it may become to be to think it is a “normal” situation, but it is not. The Prophet Mohammad never beat his wives. In fact, he said, “The best among you is the one who treats his family the best, and I am the one who treats his family the best.”

These words should be taken very seriously by Muslim men as they will be accountable for all of the despicable violence that they do to women (their wives). Allah created marriage to be a love and mercy between two people, not a life of hell and abuse.

Insha’Allah, dear sister, you will be able to help your friend and save her through the mercy of Allah from this tragic situation.

You are in our prayers, dear sister.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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