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My Friend Suddenly Stopped Talking to Me

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 08, 2018

Question

As-Salamu Aleikom. I have a friend. We are good friends, but recently she stopped talking to me. However, she talks to my other friends. She even insulted me today. I don’t know what mistake I did to her. She is a person who expects others to come and talk to her. I feel really hurt. What should I do?

Counselor

Answer



In this counseling answer:

• People often distance themselves from their closed ones when they are going through a difficult state.

• Start with a casual chit chat and remember to make her feel that her absence affects you. Make her feel important.


Wa ‘Aleikom Salam sister,

Throughout our whole life, we come across various different individuals; some we call friends, others are labeled as acquaintances. The strength of friendship is such that Hazrat Ali (A.S) says: “friendship transfers a stranger into a relative.” The key here is to make friends and maintain the relationship.

However, there are only a few friendships that last throughout the life. The reason behind is the idea of priorities that change with time. People evolve, and the transitioning phases lead them to different educational, career, and other life phases.

In your case, your concern is definite. However, a crisis in any sort of a relationship arises mainly because of a misunderstanding, lack of trust, or a communication gap. This can be applied to your issue, too.

Although a friendship is said to follow the rule of no apologies and no appraisals, the real picture is quite different. No individual can live alone. Everyone needs a company. Friends are always there in your good and bad times.


Check out this counseling video:


Losing connection with this friend of yours has affected you. So, instead of thinking what went wrong and achieving ambiguous conclusions, it is vital to ending the confusion. For this, you need to talk.

People often distance themselves from their closed ones when they are going through a difficult state. Is that the case? Ask your friend or try to find it out by observing her closely. Or you can try hanging around with people she currently mingles with. In contrast, as you mentioned about the manner in which she insulted you, it might be out of irritation and frustration. Failing to meet someone’s expectation usually result in an angry, infuriating, and insulting response. People cannot always say and express themselves in words. Actions speak louder.

Recall the last interactions between you two. Did you get into a fight? Did you two get into a disagreement? Was there a difference of opinion? Or did you leave her or made her left out in some event/ activity that is usually exclusive to you two? You need to find it out.

Simply go and talk to her in person. Maybe you can talk over the phone or during your free time. Maybe you can invite her home or go to her place. Start with a casual chit chat and remember to make her feel that her absence affects you. Make her feel important.

Be direct in a speech by using active phrases such as “I miss you”.

Recall memories by highlighting events: “I was watching a movie another. It reminded me of how we used to go shopping every weekend.” Or say something like: “What is wrong? Please tell me what I did! I want to make it up, but don’t behave like this.

Friends should not keep grudges. And you are my special friend.” Try talking in this manner. Be patient and convincing.

You mentioned how she wants people to come to talk to her. So, she might be waiting for you to approach her. Don’t bring ego in any relationship as it destroys the connection. Maybe your effort will make her realize, and she will eventually let go this habit. Place your faith in Allah (swt) and everything will be fine.

May Allah (saw) help you,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Friendship for the Sake of Allah

What if Your Friends are Backbiting You?

Making Friends Through Online Chatting?




About Atika Ali Hussein

Atika Ali Hussain received her BA in Social Sciences from Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto Institute of Science and Technology (SZABIST) and has 3 gold medals in Psychology. She has been working as freelance writer for 6 years for WriterBay and volunteering in an orphanage. You can contact her on her blog: www.lifelogpkblog.wordpress.com

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