In this counseling answer:
“Please, dear sister, do cut off communication with this celebrity. Look within yourself to see what it is that you desire from a spouse. Seek halal communications in the future and address your mental health issues as soon as possible (or continue with treatment).”
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,
Thank you for writing us. As I understand, you have several concerns. First of all, you stated that you were “in love” with a celebrity and contacted him. He responded requesting sexual favors. You described your response to his requests as one of shock. You felt as if you were in a dilemma. You said you felt remorse over contacting this person.
As Muslims, we are to follow certain guidelines for getting to know another person for marriage. While I do not know the content of what you wrote to this person, it may or may not have been harmless. What is important is how you respond at this point to this person. If you chose to do so at all. Certainly, you know that the response you got was most haram. In sha’ Allah, this will act as a warning for you to stay away from this person, in sha’ Allah.
If you are interested in speaking to a man for marriage, it would be advisable that you tell him of your interest and ask him to speak to your family.
Also, it is fine to talk to the opposite sex – under certain conditions, obviously. If we did not, how would we know who it is that we plan to marry?
I would suggest that anyone who is planning to marry get to know the other person as much as possible. This can be done in halal ways such as having the parents being present or others who would act as the third party. In this way, you both can talk about yourselves, interests, and marriage related questions as well as get to know if there are commonalities upon which you can build upon.
The mere fact that two people are Muslim and are attracted to one another for marriage purposes is not enough to base a decision on. We must be able to get to know one another in a general way to ensure that compatibility is there as well as similar Islamic values.
As you can see, you and the celebrity you thought you loved did not have the same Islamic principles. Getting to know a person for marriage in a halal way is also a safeguard. While we cannot know everything, we can usually see if something is amiss.
I would kindly advise that you do some deep soul searching to determine what kind of spouse you would like to have. What qualities do you seek in a husband? Perhaps making a list of these qualities will help you to better refine your choices so that you do not end up getting surprised, shocked or otherwise disillusioned by someone such as this celebrity. You may want to seriously consider how important is it that you have a husband who loves Allah and seeks to please Him in his thoughts, words, deeds, and actions. In other words, someone who loves and fears Allah as you do. Obviously, the person you wrote the letter to did not have such fear.
As far as watching” bad” videos, this is between you and Allah. You know it is haram, but you also feel great remorse and guilt over it as you love Allah so much. If you have not repented to Allah yet, please do so and know that Allah loves to forgive.
However, you must make a conscious effort to not slip back into the things that you asked forgiveness for. We all sin and alhumdulilah Allah is so merciful that we can go to Him for forgiveness. But we also need to work on ourselves daily and strive to be better Muslims. This is the process of self-purification and acclimation towards pleasing Allah, the Beloved.
Regarding your psychosis and delusions, have you seen a therapist? Have you been diagnosed? Do you take medication? Do you go for treatment regularly? If not, I would kindly suggest that you do.
We all have various ailments and illnesses that we must deal with. In your case, it is your mental health. As we seek Allah’s help in overcoming various things in this life, we must also help ourselves by doing the needed things to get better. For example, someone who is diabetic may need to eat differently or lose weight in order to get better or manage diabetes.
The same goes for mental health disorders. Whether it is an affliction of the mind, body or spirit, it is incumbent upon us to seek out the treatments that will help us heal in addition to drawing closer to Allah through prayer, reading Qur’an, making du’aa’, doing charitable acts, as well as seeking refuge in Allah.
Please, dear sister, do cut off communication with this celebrity. Look within yourself to see what it is that you desire from a spouse. Seek halal communications in the future and address your mental health issues as soon as possible (or continue with treatment).
We wish you the best.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.