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Will I Be Able to Support My Future Wife & Kids?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Mar 14, 2018

Question

As-Salamu ‘Alaykum. I try to be a good, practicing Muslim. Recently, I got engaged. She is a quite practicing Muslim and from a good family. In the past, I thought that first I will arrange my future and then get married, but my career plan didn’t go as I had planned. I also took a loan for my higher education which I was able to pay back, alhamdulillah. Now, I have a decent salary, but I am quite afraid that I might not be able to support my family financially. Also, until my engagement, I was staying with my parents, but now I have been working in the Gulf. Can you advise me how to overcome this fear? Thank you.

Counselor

Answer


Will I Be Able to Support My Future Wife & Kids?

In this counseling answer:

“Know that what you are experiencing is perfectly natural in your situation. Do your best to mix with locals as well as other people who have moved from abroad and appreciate the blessing. In sha’ Allah, in time, your anxiety will reduce and you will enjoy your time there.”


As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear brother,

Allah is the best of planners and, ma sha’ Allah, you are doing a great job of managing your situation. It can be very distressing at times when things don’t go according to the plan, but you have coped by just switching the order of your plans by marrying first before pursuing your career further. This is at the Mercy of Allah as He has saved you from the sins that can come from not being married. So, Alhamdulilah, this has been settled first for you and now you are in a position to settle your career. And Alhamdulilah that you have a good, pious wife. May she continue to be the coolness of your eyes.

Leaving the comfort of our parents home is difficult for most people. Suddenly, you are placed in a situation where you are fully responsible for yourself without the immediate support of those who have supported you 24/7 from birth. This can be a daunting prospect and understandably will always result in a sense of fear and anxiety that you are experiencing.

Furthermore, moving to another country will exacerbate this feeling a lot more. However, with today’s technology, the ties are easier to maintain from a distance. Keeping regular contact with your parents will help to bring this sense of comfort and you can easily seek their advice if you face a situation where they would usually assist you.

Many people move to the Gulf to work so there will be plenty of people there in the same situation as you are. They will be very understanding of your emotional experiences, so try to integrate with other people so you can have this support locally and discuss the challenges that you face.

The first few weeks and months into a move can be difficult as you find your feet and adjust to a new way of life and new culture, so be sure to integrate with the local community. Get to know how things work locally and which good places to go. In sha’ Allah, in time, you will adjust and your anxieties will reduce.

Many people also don’t get the chance to experience, so enjoy your situation and be thankful that Allah has given you the chance to see the world.

Overall, just know that what you are experiencing is perfectly natural in your situation. Do your best to mix with locals as well as other people who have moved from abroad and appreciate the blessing. In sha’ Allah, in time, your anxiety will reduce and you will enjoy your time there.

May Allah make this process a smooth one for you.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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