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Small Penis & Premature Ejaculation: How Will I Get Married?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 18, 2017

Question

Salam Alaikum. I am 24 years old Muslim man. I have a problem that has really been bothering me. I noticed that I am having some sexual problem although I am not married and have never had sex before. But I noticed that I have a penis below the normal size. Also, I have been probably suffering from premature ejaculation. I am always thinking: Will I be able to get married while I know I am having these problems? I may not be able to satisfy her sexually. Do I need to inform the girl I intend to marry of my problems? If yes, how do I tell her? If no, what should I do with these problems? Is there any medication or cure for this? I have never taken any medication for this problem. I would be grateful to receive some advice. Lastly, I want to say jazakumullahu khairan for all your good work. I really benefit a lot from your Q$As.

Counselor

Answer



In this counseling answer:

” With marriage comes learning, experience, and the ability to begin to control ejaculation. Right now you cannot learn techniques to control it as you are not married. Therefore, dear brother, you must trust in the fact that through a loving marriage you will learn how to control your ejaculation.”


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum brother,

Thank you for writing to us. As I understand, you are concerned about the size of your penis as well as premature ejaculation. First of all, brother, penis size is relative, meaning what are you comparing your penis size to? Your concern about penis size is a common concern of many young men, especially those who are virgins and do not yet know of sexual relationships. It is a worry that causes many young men sleepless nights – unnecessarily. After getting married, most young men find that their fears of size and satisfying their wives were unfounded fears. Also, it is a fear that is normal!

As you are not married yet, you are naturally concerned with the functioning of your body, and the size of your penis in regards to satisfying your wife. It’s completely normal as you have no experience yet to compare it to. I am confident, brother, that your future wife will be satisfied with you sexually.

As virgins, you both will be excited and somewhat afraid maybe of the first few sexual encounters.  This is natural and normal. You both will begin to learn how to please each other and make your intimate moments enjoyable. This also includes your “issue” of premature ejaculation. As you are not sexually experienced, brother, you have not yet developed or learned to control your ejaculation. Wet dreams are not an indicator of how you will perform.

Naturally, when you are first married, you and your wife will need some time to develop sexual techniques and ways to make your lovemaking last. This comes with experience. Right now, you are excitable sexually and when married it will be the same way. However, with time, you will learn how to control your ejaculation as you get used to the new sensations of lovemaking. Most married men do ejaculate prematurely from time to time, but it is nothing to worry about. 

I would kindly suggest that you focus on you and your future wife’s relationship by building a closeness based on honesty, trust, love, and sensitivity to each other’s needs. Take your time with your future wife in the bedroom. After all, you both will be new to making love. Instead of looking at it as a dreaded event, try to look at it as a new bonding experience that will bring you both closer as you learn new things together.

I would not tell any future wife that you have a smaller penis and premature ejaculation. First of all, it is probably not true. Secondly, you are disclosing things that may embarrass her or set up a situation wherein she may start looking for these things and lose confidence in herself. I would kindly suggest that you try to understand that penises come in all sizes and generally have the ability to provide pleasure!

Also, I am confident that your penis is of normal size as studies have shown that most men who feel their penis is too small, in fact, have an average size penis.

With that said, with marriage comes learning, experience, and the ability to begin to control ejaculation. Right now you cannot learn techniques to control it as you are not married. Therefore, dear brother, you must trust in the fact that through a loving marriage you will learn how to control your ejaculation.

I kindly suggest that you have the confidence in yourself and your Creator that everything will be fine once you are married. Have confidence that you will begin to grow into your sexuality with your wife.

Until then, please focus on other areas of marriage which will help produce a loving and solid union. Sex will come naturally between you and your future wife, in sha’ Allah. Just trust in Allah (swt) and know you are not the only man who has these fears. In sha’ Allah, once you are married you will find all your fears were unfounded.

We wish you the best.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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