Wa ’Alaikum Salaam dear brother in Islam,
You have an amazing level of taqwa (piety), Al-Hamdulillah! May Allah preserve you in it!
Allah says in the Quran that marriage is for love and mercy:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.”(Quran 30:21)
Your problem appears to be that you are worried you should have obeyed your parents and hers (for fear of Allah) instead of being true to your feelings. By playing on your beautiful level of contrition, i.e., self-questioning for fear of Allah/fear of disobeying your parents (and hers), I believe, Shaitan is deceiving you now, not then. But Allah knows best. The way Shaitan seems to be tricking you is that you value obeying your parents and hers more than not marrying when you do not love.If
someone does not attract you, you are not supposed to marry her. So, you did the right thing. Please stop beating yourself up about it.
First of all, in Islam (as compared to culture), parents do not have the right to order their children to marry someone s/he does not love. I hear so many sad stories about people who married because their parents wanted them to due to their cultural ways. As a result, the couples live miserable, loveless lives, trapped in marriages with children where they feel nothing, and it is torture to lay with their partner. So, count your blessings; what you are suffering now is easily solved by means of a better understanding of Islam as compared to that situation, which is often unsolvable, and the people just stay together for the kids.
Furthermore, look how her parents are acting – bad mouthing you and slandering you! For what? For being true to yourself and Islam? They should thank you for your sincerity and honesty because that is the core of Islam! They should thank you for not marrying their daughter when you did not have feelings for her thereby trapping her in a loveless marriage. You did the best thing for their daughter if you think about it! In addition, do you want in-laws who backbite and slander?! What if she is like her parents? Maybe this bad behavior on the part of her family is proof that your fears were justified!
So, please stop condemning yourself for doing the”right” thing, i.e., not marrying someone you do not love. Instead, start loving yourself for being true to yourself and true to her. Thank Allah for the beautiful gifts of both taqwah and righteousness that Allah gave you! Don’t let Shaitan use your own good self-evaluation against you to make you feel bad about something that you should not feel bad about. And Allah knows best.
May Allah make it easy for you.
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