In this counseling answer:
“Istikhara isn’t meant to be a clear signal; it is a way to seek Allah’s blessings and ask Him to make things easier. Your confusion, in my opinion, indicates that the second proposal isn’t in your best interest.”
Wa `Alaykum As-Salaam dear sister,
Thank you for your question. If you read your question carefully, you have the answer to your question there. Basically, you have said the following; you’ve been in a relationship since you were 16, and when this gentleman brought it to your parents, it didn’t go through. Your mother was more interested in another guy for you, who you don’t feel good about. In that process, you also lost the first guy.
Istikhara isn’t meant to be a clear signal; it is a way to seek Allah’s blessings and ask Him to make things easier. Your confusion, in my opinion, indicates that the second proposal isn’t in your best interest.
You must have a good feeling about your spouse when marrying him. If you are only doing it out of logical reasoning, then you are taking out emotional attachment which is critical to any relationship. If you enter a relationship solely based on an emotional attachment, then you’re acting blindly and when emotions fizzle out, your relationship may not be sustainable. In a solid relationship, you need both; an emotional spark and sensible things in place (i.e. similar values, similar work ethics, similar long-term plans etc).
I think that in this situation you’ve described both Mr. A & B aren’t the ones for you as things are simply lining up. You are young, and you seem to have a family that you can communicate with. Don’t rush these things, and if you start feeling confined by your options, then realize that none of those options are the right ones for you. Your Mr. Right will come along, give it some time, in sha’Allah.
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