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Parents Cancelled Our Marriage; I Feel Desperate

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 07, 2018

Question

I have a big problem. We arranged the nikah this month. Everything is ready and are fine but before the nikah day, we had some problems and our parents fight each other. After our nikah was canceled. Now, I want to rearrange our nikah. I seriously want this. It’s my wish but our parents are very angry. So, how should I pray to Allah? Please, suggest me. I feel depressed.

Counselor

Answer


Parents Cancelled Our Marriage; I Feel Desperate

In this counseling answer:

• Assure them of your love, honor, and respect for them, but explain that Islamically it is your right to marry.

• I would kindly suggest insha’allah that you set a wedding date, and get married regardless of the families feelings.  This marriage is between you and your future husband and it is very sad that your and his parents are fighting.


As Salaam Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear what has happened between your and your fiancee’s families that ruined your nikkah. It is a shame when parents cause fighting and disruption in their children’s lives, especially concerning marriage plans.

Fighting Among Families

While I do not know what the fight was about, sister, you need to determine insha’Allah if the argument was valid.  Some reasons for a valid dispute would be things discovered-not previously known- which are unIslamic and would hurt you or your future spouse. Still, the conduct of both families even under these circumstances is appalling as this is not how we conduct ourselves as Muslims.

Pursuing the Nikkah: Express Honor, Respect, Love

I would kindly suggest dear sister that if there is no compelling Islamic reason for all this fitnah you inform your parents (and have your fiancee inform his) that this will be resolved one way or another as you both will be getting married regardless. Assure them of your love, honor and respect for them, but explain that Islamically it is your right to marry.


Check out this counseling video:


Give each of your parents a date (the sooner the better) to resolve their differences. Explain to them that this haram behavior is not going to stop your marriage and you would like their blessings of course, but if they refuse then you will have no other option but to marry without them. As you are both adults sister, you do not need your parents’ approval nor their permission as long as you both are Islamically appropriate for each other.

I would kindly suggest insha’allah that you set a wedding date, and get married regardless of the families feelings.  This marriage is between you and your future husband and it is very sad that your and his parents are fighting.  Insha’Allah they will come to their senses quickly.

Guidance from Qur’an & Duaa

Please do make duaa to Allah swt concerning this situation.  Ask Allah swt to put mercy between their hearts. As a peacemaker insha’Allah, remind both families of the following verses from Al-Qur’an,

“So have taqwa (fear and obedience) of Allah and reconcile the differences between yourselves.”(Al-Qur’an 8:1)

and

“Indeed the Believers are but brothers. Therefore reconcile the differences between your brothers, and fear Allah so that you may receive mercy.” (Al-Qur’an 49:10).

You and your future husband are in our prayers, sister. We wish you the best.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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