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Marrying My Sister-in-Law’s Brother Would Cause Trouble in The Family?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 21, 2018

Question

As-Salamu Alaykum.

I seriously need some help. I'm 24 years old and single. My elder brother got married last month, and my parents want me to get married as soon as possible, too.

Now, the issue is that the brother of my brother’s wife wants to marry me, but his parents said that it wasn’t possible as it would spoil the relationship between the two families in the future. He tried several times to convince them but in vain. Ultimately, he’s given up for their sake, though he still wants to marry me.

On my side, my family has been pressuring me a lot to get married, and although proposals come every day, I don't find them compatible. I'm under a lot of pressure, and I feel that in few days I'll go mad for sure.

Please, advise me on how to convince my brother’s in-laws?

Counselor

Answer


Marrying My Sister-in-Law's Brother Would Cause Trouble in The Family?

In this counseling answer:

  • If Allah (swt) has willed that you both get married, you will. No matter who tries to stop it from happening.
  • Let this be a time for you to reflect what you want in a spouse.

Salamu ‘Alaikum Sister,

Thank you for sending us your question. I am sorry to hear about the distress you feel about your current situation. I ask Allah (swt) to ease your mind and to help you find peace within yourself.

Sister, it seems you want to marry your brother’s wife’s brother and so does he. The only thing that is stopping you both from this marriage is that his family does not agree to the marriage “because this will spoil the relationships between the two families in the future.” Their son wants to marry you but has stopped asking for their blessing and is no longer pursuing the matter.

I am sorry you have to go through this. It appears that you have your hopes to marry each other.

Please, remember though, if Allah (swt) has willed that you both get married, you will. No matter who tries to stop it from happening. But if Allah (swt) did not will for the both of you to get married, then you will not.

Keep this in mind when you think about this situation as well as anything that happens in your life. Allah (swt) has a master plan for us all, so we should not distress and worry.

Of course, this is easier said than done, but let it be a constant reminder for us all, and let Allah’s (swt) will be a solace for us when we go through difficult times like the one you mentioned above.

It’s Time to Reflect

Let this be a time for you to reflect what you want in a spouse.

Have you taken time for yourself and asked yourself what you want in your future husband?

What characteristics are you looking for, and does this young man, who you are referring to above, have though qualities?

How about your in-laws, what do you expect from them?

Furthermore, I read that your family wants you to get married as soon as possible. How do you feel about that?

Do you feel ready to get married or have you not really thought about it yet?

What is your idea of marriage?

These are all questions you should really consider asking yourself before anything takes place.

I read that you currently live in India. I understand that family is a very important issue for Indians (and other ethnicities). They are an important part of a married couple’s lives and can either have a good or bad influence on them.

How do you feel about this young man’s family?

Would you like them to be your future in-laws?

How do you feel about the young man’s decision to no longer pursue marrying you due to his family’s disapproval?

Have you thought of how life would be with him in the future (if you were to marry) and his family being a regular part of your lives?

Why do you want to marry him in the first place?

I am asking you these questions to ponder on because they are extremely important in making the ultimate decision.

Marriage is the real deal; the romantic and wonderful feelings you may feel now will only be a small part of it. The real day-to-day issues that come up are going to be difficult to overcome if all you both have are good feelings for each other.

To Summarize,

I would advise that you seriously ponder on the questions I have asked above. If you truly believe that this young man is the best choice for you, then I would suggest you talk to your family about how you feel.

This is very important.

I understand that it can be awkward to do so. Please, don’t let your feelings of shame and awkwardness stop you from openly talking to your family about this. They can help you through this whether you end up marrying this young man or not.

Ask your family members or others to help with this matter and to talk to his family.

You mentioned that your brother married this young man’s sister. Is it appropriate for him to talk to his in-laws about you?

How about your family?

Once everyone is on board, there is a possibility that it could happen, if Allah (swt) wills. If not, then at least you tried and you put your trust in Allah (swt) and it didn’t happen – and for the best.

May Allah (swt) help you to find inner peace and contentment with yourself and to guide you to what is best for you.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Youth Marriage – How Far Parents Shall Be Involved?

Parents Don’t Agree to My Marriage!

Navigating the Muslim Marriage Crisis – Culture and Family Preferences




About Aliah F. Azmeh

Aliah F. Azmeh is a licensed clinical social worker who practices in Detroit, Michigan. Aliah graduated with a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan in 2007 and has experience working in the United States and overseas. Aliah currently works as a clinical social worker and provides individual, family, and marital counseling at Muslim Family Services in Detroit, MI.

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