In this counseling answer:
• Feeling guilty may be the reason he feels this way. Perhaps he felt that there was not enough advocacy done for the marriage.
• As long as you sought Allah’s forgiveness and repented, you need to move forward.
• Don’t delay the marriage; talk to your parents.
• Even though you did wrong by letting this boy touch you, this should not affect a future marriage to someone else.
As-salaam Alaykum sister,
Thank you for writing to us. I can understand your confusion over the situation regarding the marriage. At one point you both were going to get married and everything was going fine. Now, all of a sudden, he states that he cannot see you as a wife or even feel you as a wife and that you deserve a better person.
Keeping Intentions Pure
Sister, you stated that you have been in a serious relationship for nearly 7 months. I don’t know what “serious” means but as you know we are to keep our relationships halal, meaning we are not to touch one another or be alone together. It is against Islamic principles.
It is good that you got to know him to the point where you both feel that you wanted to get married. Insha’Allah you did not do anything haram up until that point. You did state, however, that you touched each other and I think this happened after the marriage was postponed. As you know that is haram. Perhaps he is now feeling guilt due to both of your haram behaviors with each other.
You stated he changed, and now he does not see you as his wife or feels he is not good enough for you. Feeling guilty may be the reason he feels this way. Perhaps he felt that there was not enough advocacy done for the marriage. In any case, please do ask him to elaborate on his reasons why (in a halal manner). Knowing why will help you either move forward with the marriage -or move on.
Sister, as long as you sought Allah’s forgiveness and repented, you need to move forward. We all make mistakes and that is why Allah is merciful and forgiving. Allah swt knows that we are not perfect and that we are striving. However, I would highly encourage you to cut off any physical relationships with him until you are married.
If you want Allah to bless this possible marriage, then you must earn these blessings by keeping a relationship halal. Whether or not your fiancee has repented you do not know. However, you may want to suggest to him that you do still want to marry and seek the blessings of Allah. Kindly suggest to him insha’Allah, that if he has not repented doing so. Please do remind him that what you both did was haram, that you have repented, and that Allah is most merciful and loves to forgive. Indicate that if you both have sincerely repented, you would like to start on a fresh note. Inform him you will talk to your parents about a marriage date.
Marriage is Not to be Delayed
Sister, I will kindly encourage you to speak with your parents as soon as possible insha’Allah. Explain to them that you need to get married as soon as possible. You stated that your older sister’s marriage got postponed. however, I do not know why you had to wait because her marriage was postponed.
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We are encouraged in Islam to marry as soon as possible and not to put it off. It is situations such as your and your fiancee getting intimate, which is the reason why getting married as soon as possible is the best. It is a safeguard and protection. While I don’t know the circumstances and it may have been due to finances, you and your fiance should have gotten married when you had set the date regardless of whether or not your sister got married.
Please do speak to your fiancee about repenting, as well and starting on a new note. Speak to your parents about getting married as soon as possible and please do make dua to Allah to bless you and your fiancee’s future from this day forward.
Repentance and Moving Forward
In regards to the situation that you do not marry him, you can marry somebody else insha’Allah. Allah Knows Best. Even though you did wrong by letting this boy touch you, this should not affect a future marriage to someone else. We all sin and do things that are wrong; however, we do ask for forgiveness from Allah. When we do sincerely repent, Allah in His mercy, has promised us He will forgive us. If the case is that you are to be married to somebody else, you do not tell this person of your past. When we have committed a sin and we sincerely seek repentance, Allah covers our sin. We are not to disclose it.
As you have sincerely repented, I kindly suggest sister that you put this in the past. Put it behind you and move forward, never to speak about it again. When Allah blesses us with forgiveness, we do not hang on to our sins worrying about them and disclosing them to others.
We trust in Allah and are grateful to Allah for the opportunity to be forgiven, and we move on. Insha’Allah both you and your current fiancee will handle this from a more halal perspective, seek forgiveness and marry as soon as possible regardless of your sister. You are in our prayers we wish you the best.
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