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I’m in Love with a Sikh Girl

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Mar 22, 2018

Question

Salam. This girl is a Sikh. We are both from the same state, but she works in a different state. I study in another state. How can I convince her parents and how can I tell her that she has to start knowing about Islam? I don’t know why I’m being quiet and shy when I try to talk about Islam with her. I just want to have her in my life as my life partner but in an Islamic way. Please, help me! I pray all the time, asking Allah to guide her. Please, pray for us and give me some solutions. Allah hafiz.

Counselor

Answer


I’m in Love with a Sikh Girl

In this counseling answer:

“I would kindly suggest brother that you let her learn Islam from the sisters at her local mosque. Let her tell her parents on her own as well. She does not need permission from her parents to study Islam. Allah guides whom He wills.”


As-Salamu Alaykum,

Thank you for writing us. As I understand, you are involved with a girl who is Sikh. As you know, dear brother, first of all, being in a relationship outside marriage is haram.

In addition, her being Sikh means she is not permissible for you to marry as she is not from among the people of the Book.

I kindly suggest that, first of all, you ask for Allah’s forgiveness (if you have committed haram) and ask Allah to guide both of your hearts.

In addition, you need to cease the relationship. I realize this will be hard as you both have a bond now, but if you love Allah and seek to please Him, there are often sacrifices. If you love this girl, then you will end the relationship to protect her (and you) from haram. With this, you will also illustrate how a Muslim man should treat a woman.  These sacrifices, however, are for our own good in the long run.

You asked how to tell her parents that she is studying Islam, or that she should study Islam? I think what you meant is the former one. If not, please forgive me.

If this is the case brother and she truly feels Islam is the way for her and she seeks knowledge for the sake of Allah (not for you to be able to marry her), then I would kindly suggest brother that you let her learn Islam from the sisters at her local mosque. Let her tell her parents on her own as well. She does not need permission from her parents to study Islam. Allah guides whom He wills.

As far as her parents, there really is no need for you to inform them.  This is between the girl, Allah and her parents. She will tell them (if she does indeed become Muslim) on her own and may Allah bless her on this journey, insha’Allah.

Should she take shahada, brother, you may pursue her hand in marriage by approaching her parents. As they are Sikh, they may say no for religious reasons, regardless if she is Muslim (or not).  However, as you are both adults, living away from home and making your own lives in this world, you both have a right to choose whom you will marry. In your case, the girl must be Islamically correct for you, as you know.

I kindly suggest brother that you explain to her why you must end the relationship at this point. Explain it is because you love and fear Allah as well as you respect her and do not want to lead her into haram. Tell her that you would like if she continues studying Islam if she chooses so.

You may also want to refer her to some Islamic resources and mosques in her new area as well.

It will be hard, no doubt brother, but insha’Allah everything will work out to both your benefits, insha’Allah. If she is, indeed, studying Islam, she will understand why you must end a haram relationship and she will insha’Allah appreciate and respect you for standing up for what is right for both of you. Maybe not right away, but as the light of Islam fills her heart with knowledge, she will truly understand and respect you for your strength to let her go for now.

Make du’aa’ to Allah for her. Keep her in your prayers that Allah guides her. Insha’Allah, she may one day be your wife, insha’Allah,

Allah knows best. 

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Were Hindus and Sikhs Forced to Convert to Islam?

I’m in Love with a Sikh Man

In Love with a Non-Muslim Woman, What to Do?




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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