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I’m Afraid of Marriage Because I Feel Ugly

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 10, 2018

Question

I am in my final year at the university and my parents, especially my mum, have been talking to me about marriage. However, the idea of getting married scares me because I am not confident about my body.

I have some medical issues which make me ask myself questions like; what if I get married and my husband doesn't like my body? What if am not able to perform well sexually? What if he gets frustrated about that then decides to get another wife? What if my husband falls out if love with me?

I need your opinion about all that because I am so scared.

Counselor

Answer


I’m Afraid of Marriage Because I Feel Ugly

In this counseling answer:

• Take one thought at a time and analyze it. Start a journal.

• Build up your self-esteem and start to develop confidence in who you are


As Salamu Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. As I understand your question, you are self-conscious about your body, your medical issues as well as being able to perform sexually when you get married.

You are also concerned about a future husband possibly leaving you or taking a second wife.

My dear sister, you are, indeed, worrying very much. It is understandable that you would be nervous when thinking about marriage and the future, it is a normal reaction!

However, I do encourage you to take one thought at a time and analyze it. I kindly suggest that you start a journal, sister.

Take each issue that you are concerned with and write it down. Under that issue, write about what it is that worries you and how can you overcome this feeling. For instance, you fear a husband may not like your body. Why not? Write down what he may not like and then follow up with a positive reality such as “I love my body, so will my new husband”.

Self-love is important. It seems that all your concerns revolve around self-love. Self-love is not being conceited or stuck up. It is appreciating what Allah has created-which is you!

When two people get married, it is always a learning and growing process that takes time. I am sure your future husband whoever he may be as worried about things as well such as his hair, or if his muscles are big enough, or if he can please you in bed.

As humans, we are not perfect. No one is, but we can learn to love ourselves and our spouse in all our imperfectness and be happy!

Insha’Allah, sister, build up your self-esteem and start to develop confidence in who you are – a beautiful, young pious Muslimah. Your imperfections are human; we all have them.

When your mom proposes a certain man and you meet him, you may be surprised to find that you feel comfortable and safe in his presence. You may also feel like a flower in bloom!

This is what is so beautiful about marriage, sister. It is two people coming together for the sake of Allah and growing together. In this type of marriage, your fears will fall away.

So, please do think of marriage in a happy way for it is a gift from Allah. You are a gift from Allah as well-to a lucky future husband!

We wish you the best.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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Fear of Marriage: I Am Not Good Enough for Anyone




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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