In this counseling answer:
• Take one thought at a time and analyze it. Start a journal.
• Build up your self-esteem and start to develop confidence in who you are
As Salamu Alaykum sister,
Thank you for writing to us. As I understand your question, you are self-conscious about your body, your medical issues as well as being able to perform sexually when you get married.
You are also concerned about a future husband possibly leaving you or taking a second wife.
My dear sister, you are, indeed, worrying very much. It is understandable that you would be nervous when thinking about marriage and the future, it is a normal reaction!
However, I do encourage you to take one thought at a time and analyze it. I kindly suggest that you start a journal, sister.
Take each issue that you are concerned with and write it down. Under that issue, write about what it is that worries you and how can you overcome this feeling. For instance, you fear a husband may not like your body. Why not? Write down what he may not like and then follow up with a positive reality such as “I love my body, so will my new husband”.
Self-love is important. It seems that all your concerns revolve around self-love. Self-love is not being conceited or stuck up. It is appreciating what Allah has created-which is you!
When two people get married, it is always a learning and growing process that takes time. I am sure your future husband whoever he may be as worried about things as well such as his hair, or if his muscles are big enough, or if he can please you in bed.
As humans, we are not perfect. No one is, but we can learn to love ourselves and our spouse in all our imperfectness and be happy!
Insha’Allah, sister, build up your self-esteem and start to develop confidence in who you are – a beautiful, young pious Muslimah. Your imperfections are human; we all have them.
When your mom proposes a certain man and you meet him, you may be surprised to find that you feel comfortable and safe in his presence. You may also feel like a flower in bloom!
This is what is so beautiful about marriage, sister. It is two people coming together for the sake of Allah and growing together. In this type of marriage, your fears will fall away.
So, please do think of marriage in a happy way for it is a gift from Allah. You are a gift from Allah as well-to a lucky future husband!
We wish you the best.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.