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I Want to Marry a Muslim Girl

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 25, 2018

Question

Hi, I am an engineer. During my classes, I met a girl who is a Muslim. I fell in love with her. After some time, we talked so much regularly. She taught me about Islam and I think that was really beautiful. After a while, I told her about my feelings. I also made some research on Islam.

I told her that I love her and for her, I will accept Islam. She too has feelings towards me, but she says it's not allowed in our religion, so she cannot love me. Now I don't know what to do. I really want to spend my entire life with her, make her happy but now all I have is a pain. I don't know what I should do.

I am also unable to get a good sleep at night. Everything around me seems to be worthless to me, even myself. Please, tell me what I should do. Please guide me.

Counselor

Answer


I Want to Marry a Muslim Girl

In this counseling answer:

• The question, brother, is that in your research of Islam, do you find it to be in your heart as a truth and way of life for you? Or do you want to accept Islam just to marry this girl?

• By taking sincere actions towards becoming a Muslim will help this girl see that you are truly serious about dedicating your life to Allah.


Salam Aleikom,

Thank you for writing to us. As I understand your question, during your classes you met a girl who is Muslim. You state that you fell in love with her, which indicates you found her to be a nice person with good qualities. You both spoke about Islam and she taught you some things which you found to be interesting. This inspired you to do more research on Islam.

The question, brother, is that in your research of Islam, do you find it to be in your heart as a truth and way of life for you? Or do you want to accept Islam just to marry this girl?

Truly Muslim

I will kindly suggest that you do some deep searching within yourself, in your heart, to determine if Islam is truly the path that you feel is right for your life. If it is, then that is a great blessing, indeed. Allah chooses whom He wills. If this is not the case and you are just interested in Islam because you want to marry this girl, then I kindly suggest you do not pursue her any further. To do so would be wanting to marry her under a false pretense.

If you tell her that you will accept Islam, she will be expecting a husband who is Muslim and who lives and conducts his life in an Islamic way. If Islam is not in your heart, brother, this would be very hard for you to do. It would bring pain and hardship to not only your wife but to the marriage. It would be a marriage based on a lie. More seriously, a lie to Allah swt.

If you truly feel that Islam is the right path and the only path for you, and you seek to please Allah and you love Him, then, by all means, do pursue this girl.

I would also kindly suggest that you start going to a Masjid in your area and take the shahada, learn your prayers, and gain more knowledge about Islam. Seek out brothers in the Masjid who will be uplifting, and who will be happy to help you learn about Islam. You will be starting a new way of life brother, a most blessed one indeed and you will need encouragement and supports in place.

Permissible for Marriage

Regarding what the girl stated about not being able to love you, what she may mean is that in Islam we do not get to know each other intimately and fall in love. While we are allowed to get to know each one another in a protected way, dating, being alone together, touching, kissing, all of these things are forbidden according to the teachings of Islam. We are allowed to get to know one another for purposes of marriage; however, a parent, friend, the third party is to be present.


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Also, what she may have meant, was that you are not Muslim, therefore, she cannot love you – meaning marry you. This is true; a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man. However, if you truly accept Islam as your way of life and you seek to become Muslim by taking shahada and following the path of Islamic principles, you will be permissible for her, meaning she can marry you. However, it must be sincere.

I must caution you on being sincere about your intent to be Muslim as it is very serious and your reasons need to be pure. If this is, indeed, the case, please do start attending the Masjid. Speak with an imam and take shahada.

For Allah’s Sake Alone

Insha’Allah, if you are doing all these things for the sake of Allah alone, Allah will bless you. It could be that this girl is to be your wife, or it could be that Allah has someone else for you. Allah knows best. However, as the two of you may have formed mutual feelings and you do want to marry, Allah may make it easy.

Insha’Allah, by taking sincere actions towards becoming a Muslim will help this girl see that you are truly serious about dedicating your life to Allah. If it is so ordained, she will be compelled to marry you. If she does not, please do remember brother that the best blessing that has come out of this is your finding Islam and becoming a Muslim.

We wish you the best,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

I’m Hindu & in Love with a Muslim Guy

In Love with a Non-Muslim Woman, What to Do?

Why Muslim Woman Cannot Marry Non-Muslim Man




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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