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I Changed My Mind; I Want to Refuse This Proposal

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 08, 2018

Question

Can I refuse a marriage proposal after having said yes to it? I said yes earlier because the family seemed good. My whole family liked the proposal so I said yes because I didn't find any reason to say no (I have earlier refused a couple of proposals in the past too.)

Later, another guy sent a proposal and I liked this other proposal more than the first. But now my parents did not approve because we have already said yes to the first one.

Would it be a sin if I say no to the first proposal now after having said yes? I am not attracted to this guy and now I feel I am stuck because the wedding date has been finalized.

Counselor

Answer


I Changed My Mind; I Want to Refuse This Proposal

In this counseling answer:

• If you are not attracted to him and prefer someone else, then this may make it difficult to develop relations between the two of you.

• If you choose to decline the existing proposal, be sure to be kind in doing so since arrangements have already been made.

• Make istikhara.


Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh sister,

Whilst this is an uncomfortable situation to arrive in you have every right to change your mind. Since you are not yet married then you are not obliged to him in any way. You are free to take up and pursue another proposal if it is more favorable.

However, it is understandable how difficult this might be given you have already accepted the first one and wedding plans have already been made. From a practical perspective, this will be difficult, but more so to break it to the other family without causing any offense.

Keep in mind that the person you choose to marry will be your partner for life, in sha Allah. If you are not attracted to him and prefer someone else, then this may make it difficult to develop relations between the two of you.

However, also remember that love does not always happen at first sight. As you develop feelings for someone they become more attractive, especially if they have a kind heart and are pious in their actions. Whilst this does not make the choice any easier at this point, especially as it leaves you open to multiple options for such a big decision, it does present the most important things to consider when making this choice.


Check out this counseling video:


If you choose to decline the existing proposal, be sure to be kind in doing so since arrangements have already been made. He may feel like he is not good enough if you marry someone else. However, you also do not need to let this kind of guilt hold you back from going ahead with the pro1you would prefer.

In the meantime, make istikhara on the matter and ask Allah to guide you to move forward with the decision that is best for you and most pleasing to Him.

Whilst doing this, take time to seriously consider your options. You will be with this man for the rest of your life, in sha Allah, so ask yourself who you would prefer that with. Look at the qualities of both; which are most favorable to you? Most importantly, what is their relationship with Allah like? How pious are they? A pious man will live by Islam and treat you well according to Islamic value.

May Allah guide you to make the best decision and grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

I Rejected His Proposal but Wish to Marry Him

Am I Ungrateful for Rejecting a Proposal?

I Talked to a Guy, so My Parents Refuse His Proposal




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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