In this counseling answer:
“I want to point out that you must come to the self-awareness that most of what you shared about this brother is based on your own mind. But you have no actual evidence or data outside of your assumptions and fantasy of what he may be like. While I think your feelings about him are valid, you can never truly know unless you take action and have some interaction.”
As-Salaam ‘Alaikum sister,
May Allah guide you towards what is best and help you manifest your intentions to get married, amin. May the following points of feedback offer you insightful clarity and steps to take.
Firstly, I want to point out that you must come to the self-awareness that most of what you shared about this brother is based on your own mind. But you have no actual evidence or data outside of your assumptions and fantasy of what he may be like. While I think your feelings about him are valid, you can never truly know unless you take action and have some interaction. I have worked with couples for many years, and I can tell you that one of the biggest contributing factors to future marital issues is when the couple did not have adequate time to know one another.
We always have choices and our choices are opportunities to act or not to act. You need to choose to do something beyond fantasying and assuming what could be in your mind. If you can interact with this brother on campus in appropriate settings, this can give you a better sense of who he actually is and give him a chance to know you. You know he takes classes on religion but that is not equal to someone having good character or a personality that you can realistically spend the rest of your life with.
Being over-conservative, in my opinion, can be unhealthy if we ignore what the Quran guides us with on gender interaction. The rules are simple (1) don’t be alone (2) keep subject and discussions pure and professional (3) protect your private parts. If you observe these three simple rules, you will unlikely fall into any sin.
Check out this counseling video:
There is nothing wrong with you thinking about marriage, sister, and visualizing prospects. It is natural and normal for everyone to consider this major life milestone. I certainly don’t think it should be an issue to turn to your parents for advice, guidance, and support on this matter as they are your guardians. If you can’t turn to them and discuss these prospects openly, then who else can you turn to?
While I understand that each family’s culture is different and, depending on the degree of conservatism, different methods will be applied, I can tell you that more often than not when marriages are rushed because parents don’t let the partners get to know each other enough, it can cause issues down the road.
Secondly, don’t get attached to any particular idea of what age you should be married by. This will only open the door for sadness and let-downs if you don’t meet these specified goals. What you should do is to make the intention, take reasonable action, and trust in God for the best to occur when it is meant to.
May Allah help you,
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.