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How Much Time Is Needed to Get Married?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 11, 2018

Question

I am working as an accountant in Oman. My family has been trying to find a girl for me for two years. Sometimes, my family rejected girls and sometimes the other family rejected me.Can you tell me how much time is needed to get married?

Counselor

Answer


How Much Time Is Needed to Get Married?

In this counseling answer:

  • Have patience. When the right person comes your way, Allah will make it happen.
  • Fasting is an excellent way to manage difficulties faced by the one who is seeking marriage.
  • Keep yourself busy.
  • Don’t rush and marry the wrong person.

As-Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh brother,

MashaAllah, you are on the search for a spouse with the assistance of your family, but unfortunately, you have not found anyone yet.

The advice to give in this scenario is to have patience. This might seem easier said than done but will place you in a good situation mentally to be grateful when the time arises that a wife is found for you.

When the right person comes your way, Allah will make it happen. However, understandably, this time must be pretty stressful for you, but there are some things you can do to make things easier for yourself.

Fasting is an excellent way to manage difficulties faced by the one who is seeking marriage. It is a means to control urges, nurture patience and get closer to Allah; all of which are things much needed by someone in your situation.

Keeping yourself busy will help to keep your mind busy and not fixated on the difficulties you ate facing in finding a wife at present. This goes for activities of worship and everyday activities such as taking part in sports and hobbies.

You might decide on an amount of time that you continue like this for before reassessing the situation. Obviously, marriage is highly recommended in Islam for many reasons, but at the same time, you don’t want to rush and marry the wrong person. So, it’s important to strike a balance.

If, in some time, you still haven’t been successful in finding a spouse and you feel you have been patient with the situation for too long, try taking a step back and see if your family are setting their standards too high.

Often in search of a spouse, people can have a set of requirements that their spouse must meet, such as being well educated, have a good job, be from a good family, have wealth and be pious too. If it is the case that your family has many requirements for your potential spouse, then perhaps it’s time to go back and reassess this. Select the most important, and focus on these alone, ensuring that piety is one of these.

You could also ask the families of those who rejected your proposals and find out the reason behind their refusal. In most cases, it will be due to reasons that you cannot change, in which case the marriage was never meant to be. But, if it was for reasons that you can work on, then you could do this to increase your prospects.

For example, if they are not happy with your level of piety, then this is something you can change and is good to change. But, if it is that perhaps you do not have the level of wealth that they are looking for, or education, or career, then perhaps they are spending too much time looking for material things in you and Allah saved you from a marriage based too much in material things. This is something to be grateful for.

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse that will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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