As-Salamu `Alaikum Sister,
Thank you for sending us your question. It is evident that you are caught in a difficult situation, and you are confused about what to do next. I ask Allah to guide you and to give you the courage to stand up for what is right with patience and perseverance.
It is obvious that this young man and his family have major communication issues which have affected their interactions with each other and their decision-making. You mentioned that the parents of this young man forced him to marry his cousin back home in Pakistan even though he did not want to marry her. When he told his parents that he did not want to marry his cousin, his mother threatened him with suicide in order to control her son’s emotions and to leave him with no choice but to go along with his parents’ wishes.This is terrible and completely unjustified.
Unfortunately as Muslims, we put a huge emphasis on obeying and respecting our parents blindly. We fail to understand that Islam is all about justice, and if there is an injustice forced upon us, we have the right to be assertive and to stand up for our rights in a respectful and kind manner.
Nevertheless, this young man went along with his parents’ wishes and married this poor young woman. As expected after the marriage, he expressed to her and to you that he does not want her. He has even humiliated her by calling her in front of you and telling her that he does not want her and did not consummate the marriage. Now despite the fact that he is married and the fact that your parents and his parents do not want you to marry him, he tells you that he wants to marry you. SubhanAllah, one dysfunction leads to another and another. Someone needs to stop this.
It is evident that this young man needs professional help, and if I were in your position, I would refer him to see a counselor because he is a victim of injustice and is also committing injustice to his wife, to himself, and even you. The Prophet (sws) said,
“Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?’ The Prophet said, ‘By preventing him from oppressing others” (Bukhari)
He told you that he “wants to die instead of living a life like this where he regrets every day.” This is a huge indicator that he is suffering and is also a huge indicator that he is in need of professional help. Refer him to seek help and stop all contact with him. He is currently not emotionally stable, and he needs to work on his deep-rooted emotional and psychological issues before he can commit to any relationship.
Also, do not forget that he is still married and that your parents and his parents do not approve of this marriage. The whole picture doesn’t look right, and it might be of your best interest to kindly and respectfully end whatever was between you and move on. He thinks that being with you will make him happy. The truth is, happiness comes from within one’s self- not from others.
I ask Allah to help him to find his inner happiness and to give him the strength to improve his situation. I also ask Allah to help you to choose what is right for you, to grant you serenity in your heart, and to send you a healthy, God-fearing husband.
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