This Guy Promised to Marry Me, Now He Avoids Me | About Islam
Home > Ask the Counselor > Want to Get Married > This Guy Promised to Marry Me, Now He Avoids Me

This Guy Promised to Marry Me, Now He Avoids Me

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 10, 2018

Question

Salam. I fell in love with a boy who is a relative of mine. He also loves me and wants to marry me. However, suddenly, he avoids me, I don’t know why. He even does not want to talk to me. I pray for him five times and also pray tahajjud for him because he is a very simple boy. What can I do now? Please tell me! I’m stressed.

Counselor

Answer


This Guy Promised to Marry Me, Now He Avoids Me

In this counseling answer:

Please, try to move on, sister. Get involved in social activities with sisters at the mosque. Join a gym, take a course in something you have always been interested in. These things will help get your mind off of him and re-focused on others things that are positive and up-building. ”


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. While you did not provide a lot of information such as how old you both are, have you ever talked in depth, how well do you know each other, how long have you two been talking etc., it is hard to tell but I will do my best.

It seems people who suddenly stop talking to another person and avoids them may have something else going on in their lives. Perhaps a stressful exam, an illness, a situation at home or at work or even depression.

Other reasons why one who says he loves you then stops talking to you and avoids you is because perhaps he is no longer interested. He is afraid to tell you or just does not care enough to tell you. While I cannot know if any of these situations may be related to your situation, I can only offer possible reasons such as these.

Sister, I would kindly advise you to just fall back and do nothing at this point. While that may be hard as you do have feelings for him and he is a relative (you may be around him more), it may be the only option right now as you cannot force someone to talk to you or to stop avoiding you. In time insha’Allah you will find out if there is something wrong like depression, family issues or illness which is causing this behavior, or if he is just immature and thoughtless and no longer interested, yet failed to tell you.

Situations like these are always hard because sometimes we never do find out why a person turns away from us. However, we can be sure that what Allah has for us will be and what is not meant for us will pass us by.

Perhaps if this boy just isn’t interested any longer, it may be a blessing in disguise and Allah is saving you from some future hurt and pain.  Allah knows best.

Please, try to move on, sister. Get involved in social activities with sisters at the mosque. Join a gym, take a course in something you have always been interested in. These things will help get your mind off of him and re-focused on others things that are positive and up-building.

Engage in some stress reduction techniques to reduce your tension. Progressive muscle relaxation, aromatherapy, deep breathing, dhikr are all some ways to reduce stress and tension.

Draw closer to Allah and make du’aa’ for yourself that Allah grants ease and mercy and blesses you with all things that are good and nourishing.

Trust in Allah concerning this situation and know that it has happened for a reason. If he does, by chance, seek your attention again, I would advise that you refer him to your parents if he does want to marry you. I would not talk to him outside of that if he does, in fact, seek out your conversation again.

We wish you the best,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Engaged, But I’m Still in Love with My Cousin

He Promised Marriage, Then Left Me

I Rejected His Proposal Because of My Studies




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

find out more!