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I Got a Marriage Proposal While I’m Studying; What to Do?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 04, 2018

Question

As-salaamu alaikum. I am a second-year high school student graduating, in sha Allah, next year. A sister approached me telling me that she wants me to marry her brother abroad. My mom is aware of this, but she isn't that serious about it. I want to ask how to go about getting married after school. I hope to like the guy, but I want to continue my education as well.

Counselor

Answer


I Got a Marriage Proposal While I'm Studying; What to Do?

In this counseling answer:

The best advice I can provide is to continue getting good grades. Don’t lose focus on your education, seek out your mom’s advice and input, get to know the boy and his family with your mom (or another family representative) present as well as take classes on Marriage Preparation.


As salamu alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. I am happy to hear you are in school and will be graduating in another year insha’Allah and will be going on to a university. How exciting! I can imagine your family is very proud of you.

Regarding the boy that wants to marry you, do you know him? Have you met him before and do you think he is someone who you would be compatible with? Are you thinking of getting married after high school or after university? Sister, there are many things to consider when you contemplate marriage.

As you are still in high school, there is time to find out more about the boy. As your mom already knows, you may want to talk with her and express your intent and also confirm with her that you plan to finish school, including university so she won’t think that this marriage will interfere with your education. Often times, parents are hesitant to think seriously about having their child marry until their schooling is safely finished.

I would kindly suggest sister that you consult with your mom about his family and about him. If possible, you and your family might want to meet his family and discuss a possible marriage and what that would look like. You could ask your mom’s permission to correspond with him with her presence in order to see if you have things in common.

Be sure, sister, to have a list of questions that you may want to ask him. After you graduate from high school, if there are Islamic marriage preparation classes at your local Islamic center it would be helpful to take them now. Taking classes such as these prepares us for marriage, helps us understand what an Islamic marriage entails, teaches us of our rights and responsibilities as well as helps us closely think about what it is we are looking for in a marriage partner.


 Check out this counseling audio:


At this point, you may want to ask your mom’s permission to correspond with the boy, with her present in order to see if you have things in common and to learn more about his personality. Be sure to have a list of questions that you may want to ask him.

Sister, as you still have time regarding a possible marriage to this boy, please do continue to focus on your studies at school. Getting good grades and remaining focused on your studies is a sign of maturity and good decision making which I am sure your mom will be watching for. Your mom has your best interests at heart and I am sure she wants to see you married to the one who will take good care of you, respect and love you and provide a good Islamic foundation for a successful marriage.

So, my dear sister, in answer to your question about how to get married after school: the best advice I can provide is to continue getting good grades. Don’t lose focus on your education, seek out your mom’s advice and input, get to know the boy and his family with your mom (or another family representative) present as well as take classes on Marriage Preparation.

Lastly, seek Allah’s guidance in all matters. We wish you the best, sister!

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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