I Got a Marriage Proposal While I'm Studying, Please advice? | About Islam
Home > Ask the Counselor > Want to Get Married > I Got a Marriage Proposal While I’m Studying, Please advice?

I Got a Marriage Proposal While I’m Studying, Please advice?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 11, 2017

Question

As-salaamu alaikum I am a second-year high school student graduating in sha Allah next year. A sister approached me telling me she wants me to marry her brother abroad and my mom is aware of this but she isn't that serious about it. I want to ask how to go about getting married -in sha Allah-after school because I hope to like the guy and I want to continue my education till university.

Counselor

Answer


marriage proposal

In this counseling answer:

The questioner got a marriage proposal, she asked how to cope with marriage and her education. The counselor advice her to continue getting good grades, don’t lose focus on education, seek out her mom’s advice and input, and get to know the boy and his family with her mom.


As salamu alaykum sister,

Shokran for writing to our live session. I am happy to hear you are in school and will be graduating in another year insha’Allah and will be going on to a university. How exciting! I can imagine your family is very proud of you. Regarding the boy that wants to marry you, do you know him? Have you met him before and do you think he is someone who you would be compatible with? Are you thinking of getting married after high school or after university? Sister, there are many things to consider when you contemplate marriage.

As you are still in high school there is time to find out more about the boy. As your mom already knows, you may want to talk with her and express your intent and also confirm with her that you plan to finish school, including university so she won’t think that this marriage will interfere with your education. Often times, parents are hesitant to think seriously about having their child marry until their schooling is safely finished.

I would kindly suggest sister that you consult with your mom about his family and about him. If possible, you and your family might want to meet his family and discuss a possible marriage and what that would look like. You could ask your mom’s permission to correspond with him with her present in order to see if you have things in common.

Be sure sister to have a list of questions that you may want to ask him. After you graduate from high school, if there are Islamic marriage preparation classes at your local Islamic center it would be helpful to take them now. By taking classes such as these it prepares us for marriage, helps us understand what an Islamic marriage entails, teaches us of our rights and responsibilities as well as helps us closely think about what it is we are looking for in a marriage partner. At this point, you may want to ask your mom’s permission to correspond with the boy, with her present in order to see if you have things in common and to learn more about his personality. Be sure to have a list of questions that you may want to ask him.

At this point, you may want to ask your mom’s permission to correspond with the boy, with her present in order to see if you have things in common and to learn more about his personality. Be sure to have a list of questions that you may want to ask him.

By taking classes such as these it prepares us for marriage, helps us understand what an Islamic marriage entails, teaches us of our rights and responsibilities as well as helps us closely think about what it is we are looking for in a marriage partner. At this point, you may want to ask your mom’s permission to correspond with the boy, with her present in order to see if you have things in common and to learn more about his personality. Be sure to have a list of questions that you may want to ask him.

Sister as you still have time regarding a possible marriage to this boy, please do continue to focus on your studies at school. Getting good grades and remaining focused on your studies is a sign of maturity and good decision making which I am sure your mom will be watching for. Your mom has your best interests at heart and I am sure she wants to see you married to the one who will take good care of you, respect and love you and provide a good Islamic foundation for a successful marriage.

So my dear sister, in answer to your question about how to get married after school, the best advice I can provide is to continue getting good grades, don’t lose focus on your education, seek out your mom’s advice and input, get to know the boy and his family with your mom (or other family representative) present as well as take classes on Marriage Preparation. Lastly, seek Allah’s guidance in all matters. We wish you the best sister!

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

 




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

find out more!