In this counseling answer:
“Marriage courting is not fishing; you don’t keep meeting girls and hope someone will just bite. Take the process more seriously and take more time while having quality encounters with those you court.”
As-Salaam ’Alaikum brother,
Firstly, courting 25 girls in 4 months and being turned down is a very large number! It may be that things are rushed and you do not spend enough time actually getting to know the girls or allowing them to really get to know you. If this is the case, judgments will be based on surface items like looks.
Take more time to get to know sisters. If you are courting 5 girls a month on average, you are probably not taking a serious and caring approach to the process.
Marriage courting is not fishing; you don’t keep meeting girls and hope someone will just bite. Take the process more seriously and take more time while having quality encounters with those you court.
You also have to consider what type of girls you are courting. I find it curiously strange that all these girls rejected you solely based on looks. Perhaps, you should also reflect on your character and get feedback about that. Maybe you have turned some sisters off by how you acted.
As for your looks brother, there are some modifications you can consider. Firstly, if you are overweight, you can become more fit! This will give you more confidence and you will be more desirable. This is a fact of biology in our species; the better fit and formed a person look, the better chances their genetic content will be and thus they are desirable.
Regarding the issue of beard, beards are wonderful if your intention is to follow the prophetic way, but it is not necessary, in my opinion. Some scholars say it is an obligation while others say it is an extra act of devotion. Hence, if you feel it is an obligation to keep, then you also have to recognize that it comes with a sacrifice like anything else. Some sisters do not like beards and some do. If you keep a beard, you should definitely maintain it properly by combing it, washing it and trimming it so that it does not look messy. It is definitely an Islamic principle and prophetic tradition to be clean and neat. Prophet Muhammad (saw) used to comb his beard, oil it, perfume it and trim his mustache and beard so that it was neat. Remember, neat does not necessarily mean it has to be short, but naturally the shorter it is, the neater it appears.
Sadly, many Muslim cultures exhibit racism towards darker skinned individuals. Verily, this is a disease in the hearts of people. In sha’Allah, you will meet a family that really follows Islamic guidance and will not make this an issue, but you have to be patient.
In conclusion, be patient and keep making your du’aa,’ but you must also turn within and ask yourself if there are character traits you may need to polish as well in addition to getting fit and maintaining your form as best as possible. Also, consider the type of sisters you are courting; they may come from families that are more superficial than spiritual.
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