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Girls Keep Rejecting Me; What’s Wrong?



Reply Date

Oct 08, 2017


As salam aleykum. I am 26 years old now and looking for a suitable girl for marriage, but until now more than 25 girls rejected me in the last 4 months. This destroys myself. I am a normal, religious person working in KSA. The reasons they gave for their rejection was that I was too tall (6ft), dark colored, not so good looking and also a bit fat. I know that even though I am 26 years old, I look like a 30+ years old man, but this is natural, I cannot help it. I also have some scars because of my pimples, but their biggest objection was my beard. I want to follow the sunnah of our prophet Muhammad (saw), but now even my family mocks me that because of this I look a very big guy, and no one wants to marry me. I pray to Allah and ask His forgiveness, but sometimes I feel Shaitaan overpowers me. I don’t know what to do. I comfort myself saying that Allah gave Bilal (RA) a very good and pious wife, even though he was dark and not that handsome. I am just hoping for the best. Jazak Allah khair.



Girls Keep Rejecting Me; What’s Wrong?

In this counseling answer:

“Marriage courting is not fishing; you don’t keep meeting girls and hope someone will just bite. Take the process more seriously and take more time while having quality encounters with those you court.”

As-Salaam ’Alaikum brother,

Firstly, courting 25 girls in 4 months and being turned down is a very large number! It may be that things are rushed and you do not spend enough time actually getting to know the girls or allowing them to really get to know you. If this is the case, judgments will be based on surface items like looks.

Take more time to get to know sisters. If you are courting 5 girls a month on average, you are probably not taking a serious and caring approach to the process.

Marriage courting is not fishing; you don’t keep meeting girls and hope someone will just bite. Take the process more seriously and take more time while having quality encounters with those you court.

You also have to consider what type of girls you are courting. I find it curiously strange that all these girls rejected you solely based on looks. Perhaps, you should also reflect on your character and get feedback about that. Maybe you have turned some sisters off by how you acted.

As for your looks brother, there are some modifications you can consider. Firstly, if you are overweight, you can become more fit! This will give you more confidence and you will be more desirable. This is a fact of biology in our species; the better fit and formed a person look, the better chances their genetic content will be and thus they are desirable.

Regarding the issue of beard, beards are wonderful if your intention is to follow the prophetic way, but it is not necessary, in my opinion. Some scholars say it is an obligation while others say it is an extra act of devotion. Hence, if you feel it is an obligation to keep, then you also have to recognize that it comes with a sacrifice like anything else. Some sisters do not like beards and some do. If you keep a beard, you should definitely maintain it properly by combing it, washing it and trimming it so that it does not look messy. It is definitely an Islamic principle and prophetic tradition to be clean and neat. Prophet Muhammad (saw) used to comb his beard, oil it, perfume it and trim his mustache and beard so that it was neat. Remember, neat does not necessarily mean it has to be short, but naturally the shorter it is, the neater it appears.

Sadly, many Muslim cultures exhibit racism towards darker skinned individuals. Verily, this is a disease in the hearts of people. In sha’Allah, you will meet a family that really follows Islamic guidance and will not make this an issue, but you have to be patient.

In conclusion, be patient and keep making your du’aa,’ but you must also turn within and ask yourself if there are character traits you may need to polish as well in addition to getting fit and maintaining your form as best as possible. Also, consider the type of sisters you are courting; they may come from families that are more superficial than spiritual.



Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Karim Serageldin

Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, completed his BA in psychology & religion, followed by an MA in east-west psychology with a specialization in spiritual counseling. He is a certified life coach with years of teaching and community outreach experience. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship, family and youth coaching. He provides seminars and workshops in the United States. You can contact Br. Karim at: or

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