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Which Girl Shall I Marry?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Dec 06, 2017

Question

Salam. I was in love with 3 girls. I did istihara. In my dream, I saw my two female pupils although the first had fair and the other had brown skin. I saw the first one was pregnant and I was with her while the other one was behind us. All the drama was in the classroom. The next day, I prayed for God to make it clear for me. I later dreamt I was with the first girl. I haven't seen the 3d girl in any of my dreams. Actually, the first girl is married with twins and regarding the second I lost feelings for her because I heard about an attitude of her that I am not ok with. I am still in contact with the 3d one but my parents do not like her tribe. Please advice.

Counselor

Answer


Which Girl Shall I Marry?

In this counseling answer:

“Istikhara is a means of asking Allah to guide you. If something is meant for you then everything will happen to enable this outcome to occur. If it is not meant to be, then Allah will place obstacles in your way or change your heart in such a way that you will turn towards what is best for you. Keeping this information in mind, you can see for yourself what your situation and occurrences in your life seem to be pointing to.”


Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh brother,

I’m not in a position to interpret dreams or the outcome of istikhara. However, I can give you some guidance on how you can seek such interpretation and how to manage your situation.

Firstly, it’s important to know that the outcome of istikhara is not just what you see in your dreams. In fact, it may well be that the reason you dream of these girls on more than one occasion is simply that you are thinking of them. It seems other signs have come to you, other than dreams in that your heart seems to have been turned away from them now. This could also potentially be a sign of Allah answering your istikhara.

Istikhara is a means of asking Allah to guide you. If something is meant for you then everything will happen to enable this outcome to occur. If it is not meant to be, then Allah will place obstacles in your way or change your heart in such a way that you will turn towards what is best for you. Keeping this information in mind, you can see for yourself what your situation and occurrences in your life seem to be pointing to.

There is no limit to how many times you can pray istikhara, so do continue to do so until you feel clear about which path to take. Keep in mind also that maybe none of these girls are for you. Maybe Allah has someone else for you and if you continue with istikhara Allah will make that path clear and guide you to it.

Whilst you are in this situation, make sure to keep all your intentions pure and keep within the boundaries of Islam. It might also be worth noting here that if it is that you are a teacher and two of these girls whom you desired to marry are pupils, then you need to be aware of professional and ethical boundaries of pursuing relationships with your students. In many countries, this is a criminal offense, so be sure to stay within the boundaries of the law also.

When seeking marriage, it is also useful to be active in seeking a spouse. So, whilst praying for your ideal partner, you also need to actively seek them. Make sure to do so in the correct way that will please Allah. It may be that you make it public that you are seeking marriage via friends and family. They may know of a lady who is also seeking marriage and so they can arrange a meeting with her in the presence of her mahram. Otherwise, if you have anyone in mind, then you can approach her family in seeking a meeting to see if she could be your spouse. This way you can also get a feeling for how your families get on, which is always useful for a successful marriage.

If you want to propose to the third girl, then your family needs to understand that whatever tribe she belongs to should not matter at all. In fact, it is her piety and taqwa that is far more important and will hold more of an effect on your happiness and success within marriage. Perhaps arranging for both families to meet will also work to counter their beliefs about her tribe when they see that she is a good woman from a good family who will be a good spouse to you, their son.

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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