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Getting a Marriage Proposal from a Man Shorter Than Me

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 22, 2017

Question

As-salmu `Alaikum, I got a marriage proposal from a friend's brother. I didn't know anything about him. So I started praying istekhara daily for a week. In the meanwhile, my parents asked my uncle ( who is a very pious person and solves religious matters) to tell them if the proposal is right. He told us that everything is well, go for it. But I got to know that he was very short in height than me and I am very tall. Like difference of about 5cms. So I told my parents about it, then my parents told his parents about this concern and said that we will meet him first when he comes from abroad and if before that any one of us gets another proposal, nobody should be bound. So, now, I am super confused that if it was from Allah that I accidentally found out or if my uncle was right and we are disobeying Allah's decision (the groom's side had a misunderstanding about my height too. So I always think that why will they accept such a tall girl for their son after knowing now). It has been six months, I get proposals but get no replies back from people, so I wonder if my friend's brothers proposal is the one for me or not? Please guide me in the light of Islam.

Counselor

Answer


Proposal

In this counseling answer:

“It sounds like a decent arrangement has been put into place regarding moving forward with a meeting son that you can actually meet one another and see how you get on. Furthermore, the agreement that at this point you are still free to explore other proposals should they come up is very reassuring too. Until you actually marry someone, you are not bound to anyone, so there is no harm during this time to continue your search. If Allah has planned someone else for you,  then it will happen and your marriage to your present proposal is not bound to go ahead.”


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

Firstly,  you did the right thing in praying istikhara for such an important decision. This is something it would definitely encourage you to continue until you find a spouse.

Marriage is a very important, long-term commitment so it is only natural to be anxious about choosing the right partner.  Alhamdulilah, you have had support from your family in finding the best person for you. This is a blessing that not everyone has, and can make finding the best person for you a whole lot easier and less stressful as you have the input of others in finding someone that will be suitable for you. You are moving forward in the best way by ensuring there are no haram interactions between you both and are allowing the families to continue with organizing things.

It certainly does sound like Allah is making things easy for things to move forward with this particular proposal and it looks like barriers seem to have come in the way of you marrying anyone else, so maybe this is Allah’s answer to your istikhara. Do continue to pray and Allah will continue to guide you and make what is meant to be happen.

It sounds like a decent arrangement has been put into place regarding moving forward with a meeting son that you can actually meet one another and see how you get on. Furthermore, the agreement that at this point you are still free to explore other proposals should they come up is very reassuring too. Until you actually marry someone, you are not bound to anyone, so there is no harm during this time to continue your search. If Allah has planned someone else for you,  then it will happen and your marriage to your present proposal is not bound to go ahead.

Do remember amongst all this, that the minor matter of height is not really the best reason to decline marriage to someone. It may be that he is short, but is a decent, pious man who will fulfill his role very well as your husband. Likewise, it may be that a taller man, that physically meets your requirements may be a rotten man, who doesn’t practice and treats you poorly.

This is the kind of information you will only get from actually going ahead with a meeting with this man. With your family present, they will also be able to offer their opinion also with your best interests at heart. It sounds like your family are very supportive of the whole matter, so you can trust them to support you through to an actual marriage.

In the mean time, don’t close yourself to other potential proposals and keep your options open. In sha Allah the best person will cross your path; whether it is the present man in question, or someone else.

 

May Allah guide you to make the best decision and grant you a righteous spouse.

 ***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Not Willing to Marry Me, But I Love Him So Much

 

Rejected a Proposal, But Now I Regret It




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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