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Get Married to the Girl I Love Or Complete My Study?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 14, 2017

Question

Asalamwalaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu, I want to marry a girl but I am not financially settled as I am just a student and she is a student too. She is younger than me and I gave her dawah about true Islam and Alhamdulillah she accepted all my words from Quran and sahih hadeeth, which made me like her. Her character is very good and she is very religiously committed. Earlier she was not pious but now she is learning deen and pondering upon it. So I want to marry her, I have a feeling for her in my heart so I will marry now nor she will because of our further studies, may be 3-4 years later in shaa Allah. She is not so beautiful but her piousness made me love her. So what to do? Should I ask her will you marry me, Or wait for her time to be getting married? As I fear if anybody else put marriage proposal to her father. I need your advice. And also, I want a beautiful wife but as prophet Muhammad pbuh said character and piousness are first preference for being married a righteous woman and that she is alhamdulillah. What to do? Please do reply my answers. Jazakallahmulahu kairan.

Counselor

Answer


Girl

In this counseling answer

The questioner fears to lose the pious girl if he doesn’t marry her. The counselor advises him to wait until she takes shahadda and gets more settled as a Muslima before his proposal. Then, If he wants to wait to finish his study and be financially settled, So he tells her that he  respect and admire her pious qualities, and he is attracted to her as a possible future wife and that he would like to marry her, If she accepts, make arrangements to go to her family’s home and speak to them about his proposal.


As-salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing into us. Alhumdulilah you have found someone whom you feel you are compatible with. I am very happy for you brother! I am a bit confused, however. Forgive me if I misunderstood you but you stated she is studying Islam from Qur’an and hadith, has accepted it and is pondering upon it. Has she taken shahadda yet? If not I would kindly advise that you wait until she takes shahadda and gets more settled as a Muslima before you propose.

I suggest this to ensure that her interest is in Islam and that she truly loves Allah (swt) and believes in her heart that Islam is the true path, true religion. Often times a girl will be intested in Islam because she is ‘in love” with the man who has taught her. By waiting dear brother, you can see whether it is truly Islam she loves or if she is just doing it for you. If she is just doing it for you, it may cause some problems down the line if she truly does not have Islam in her heart and begins to live un-Islamically.This would be a heartbreak for you. Insha’Allah she is truly going to take Shahadda for the sake of Allah (swt) (or she already did) and everything will work out wonderfully for you both.

In regards to your financial situation, there are many cases wherein the students do get married while in school but they often have the support from one or both families until they finish school. In your case, you stated you may choose to wait which is fine too alhumdulilah. In the case of waiting 3-4 years, I would kindly suggest that you inform her of your intent. Simply tell her that you respect and admire her pious qualities, you are attracted to her as a possible future wife, that you feel you both would be compatible and that you would like to marry her. Insha’Allah have a visual plan in your mind as to where and how you will live as it may be a question that comes up.

If she accepts, I would make arrangements to go to her family’s home and speak to them about your proposal. You may want to bring a member of your family as well. It was not clear if her family is Muslim or not, if her family is not Muslim it is still a sign of respect and serious intent. Again, be well prepared to answer questions regarding your ability to take care of her, your way of life as well as your character references from people who know you in the community. Insha’Allah brother everything will go smoothly.

 

Make duaa to Allah for guidance and encourage her to do the same. We wish you both the best.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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