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My Fiancée Doesn’t Want to Marry Me Because of My Sinful Past

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 03, 2018

Question

As'salamu alaykum, I want to ask a question regarding marriage. I was in love with a girl and promised her to marry. Later I refused her and accepted another proposal which came from my mother.

After some months the bride’s family got to know that I had some affair with the girl, and later it was solved but the bride was having some doubts regarding this marriage. She decided to do istikhara. She was praying it for 7 days, but no solution has come out. So the bride is having a confusion regarding this marriage.

Is it suitable to marry her or not? As she didn't get any dream or sing notation from istikhara. As the marriage’s day is getting closer, we are having problems. What’s the solution to this? Thank you.

Counselor

Answer


My Fiancée Doesn’t Want to Marry Me Because of My Sinful Past

In this counseling answer:

• Keep praying istikharah, but understand that it is not always answered in the form of a dream.

• During this time, stay away from the other girl in question.

• Keep Allah close by maintaining your daily acts of worship that you will.


Wa Alaikum salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

You have done one of the best things in trying to reach a resolution for this situation and that is to make istikhara. You say that the girl made istikhara, but you should also do the same too to get the best result for yourself also.

Understand that istikhara is not always answered in the form of a dream. Ultimately, if it is meant to be Allah will allow not to happen and if not, He will place obstacles in the way of it happening. This could even just occur within your heart. Allah will guide your heart to either desire to push forward with the marriage or to have some kind of doubt that stops you from moving forward.

I would also suggest that during this time of istikhara you stay away from the other girl in question. This is for a couple of reasons.


Check out this counseling video:


Firstly, given you are not married, you should not be alone with either of them anyway, but also spending time with either of them could influence your interpretation of the result of the istikhara. If you spend time with someone, you develop feelings for them naturally. This could then be read as a positive result for the istikhara, when in fact it is solely a result of being alone with and developing feelings for the person.

Remember that istikhara won’t necessarily be answered right away also, so keep on with it each day. Pray for Allah’s forgiveness and guidance in the matter. Keep Allah close by maintaining your daily acts of worship that you will. Make a decision with a fear of Allah in your heart also.

Being apart from them will also give you a clear space to think deeply about what the best course of action is. Consider all options available to you. Think about the pros and cons of each and consider how pleasing each of these is to Allah. Use these considerations, along with the istikhara to guide you in making your decision.

Beyond this, if you feel the matter is too complicated to involve other family members then you dot have to, especially since it involves exposing the sin of an affair. Whilst at present if you are not married to anyone you are not obliged to any of the girls, it also means that neither of them is permissible to you until you are married.

May Allah guide you to make the decision that is best for all involved. May He bless you with a righteous spouse when the time is right.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Sinful Past?

Shall I Marry a Man with Sinful Past?

I Can’t Live with the Shame of My Past




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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