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Divorced and Scared of Getting Married Again

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jan 22, 2018

Question

As-salamualikum warahmathullah, I was divorced since 6 months. And My parents are looking up for proposals to get me married. Even I am also looking to get married to a suitable partner In sha Allah. But when proposals come and when we take further steps towards to know about the partner, I am scared of the person's character and behavior and I feel "would this person be like the previous one" " Is this person lying to us, and so many other kinds of negative thoughts" How should I overcome this?

Counselor

Answer


Divorced

In this counseling answer:

“If you fear that maybe he is not as pious as he seems and you are worried he is lying to you, then there are things you can do to be more sure this doesn’t happen. Your parents can speak to his friends and family to get a better idea of the background he is from and what he is really like and if the way he behaves in your meetings are true of him. Furthermore, you could arrange several meeting with anyone you are interested in. This will give you a better chance to get to know him in the correct way and be more sure about his character. ”

 


Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

Masha Allah, you are now seeking marriage proposals and alhamdulilah, you’re parents are supporting you in doing so. Unfortunately, however, after a bad experience in the past, you are finding this process difficult for fear of being hurt again as you were in your previous marriage.

This is a normal response especially since it is not that long since you were divorced. However, at the same time, we know how important marriage is and so it is also encouraged to get married again.

Naturally, you will be especially anxious about making sure to select the beat suitor who will be good to you. There are a few things you can do to try and make this situation easier.

The first thing is to feel confident that you also have the support of your parents. They will be able to serve as a second pair of eyes. They will be able to make judgments about your proposals without being tainted by the hurt that you are feeling as a result of your past experience.

As their daughter, they only want what’s best for you so you can trust that they will be doing their best also to ensure that you select only the best person who they feel will be good for you based on his character and what they know of you.

When meeting with proposals, make sure to have the most important factors in mind when judging if he is the right one. The most important features being that of piety and righteousness.

A man who is pious and close to Allah will treat you well, in accordance with Islamic values which we know are perfect. If he is this way, then you can feel confident that he will be good to you.

If you fear that maybe he is not as pious as he seems and you are worried he is lying to you, then there are things you can do to be more sure this doesn’t happen. Your parents can speak to his friends and family to get a better idea of the background he is from and what he is really like and if the way he behaves in your meetings are true of him.

Furthermore, you could arrange several meeting with anyone you are interested in. This will give you a better chance to get to know him in the correct way and be more sure about his character. This will enable you to be me confident that he is a good person and the right one for you.

Most importantly, whilst going through this process make istikhara. Ask Allah to guide you to the man who will be good for you. This way Allah will place obstacles in the way of marrying someone who is not good for you and facilitate everything in moving forward with the one who is. Be confident in Allah’s guidance. Once you make istikhara you can feel satisfied that Allah will guide you in the direction that is best for you.

 

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Salam

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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