In this counseling answer:
Whilst it’s not possible to go back and change things, you can repent for these actions, avoid ending up in this situation again and seek marriage in a halal way.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,
It is understandable why you feel distressed in this situation, especially because you have now been involuntarily forced into a position where you literally feel responsible for this man’s life. It is not right that he has put you in this position. You might consider letting someone know of his suicidal intentions to begin releasing this burden from yourself because for someone to have reached the point where they feel like this, it is important that he seeks help. If he receives the help that he needs right now, then he might also stay away from you as he gets the comfort he needs from halal means.
Furthermore, it is not ok for him to make you feel like you must marry him because you do not have to marry anyone against your wishes. You do clearly state that you do not wish to pursue a marriage to him. He wanted you to engage in a haram act with him which is never a good sign of a healthy future relationship anyway because he is quite happy to encourage haram and, therefore, there is a risk that he may encourage you to engage in other haram acts in the future.
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However, to take things back, after having gone through a distressing time and breaking up with someone whom you were in a relationship with, you sought comfort from your cousin. You say that it was like a hug to you, and naturally, when going through a difficult time, any kind words from anyone will feel like this. If we go about seeking this comfort from the wrong person (i.e. someone from the opposite sex), then often inappropriate feelings will begin to develop. It seems this is the case, but not for you, but for a cousin who you approached.
Obviously, we can’t go back in time and change things, but we can learn lessons from such mistakes. It would seem that you were in a haram relationship as you were having a relationship with someone before marriage which, from an Islamic perspective, is not acceptable. Then you sought counsel from another man when things were not going ok, which has also not ended up well. I think you can learn from these two experiences why engaging in relations with members of the opposite sex outside of marriage can be harmful.
Whilst it’s not possible to go back and change this, you can repent for these actions, avoid ending up in this situation again and seek marriage in a halal way. This way, you will be able to have all your emotional and physical needs met in the appropriate way, most importantly in a way that is pleasing to Allah (swt).
For now, it is advisable that you refrain from contacting these two men as they are both currently haram to you. If you feel like you need emotional support, which you most likely do, due to the distressing nature of the situation you are in, you can seek this from another sister, either someone close like a friend or family member who can give you the support you need right now or even from sisters online if this is not something you are comfortable to talk to them about right now. You can seek comfort in the remembrance of Allah (swt) by engaging in meaningful activities like reading the Qur’an and making dhikr and making du’aa’ that He (swt) will guide you out of this situation.
May Allah (swt) help your cousin to overcome his distress, and may He (swt) bring you ease in this distressing situation. May He (swt) grant you a pious spouse that will bring you comfort and happiness.
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