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I Can’t Get Married Because I’m Not Pretty, What Can I Do?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 23, 2017

Question

I want to get married but because I'm not pretty like other women that why I can't get. Please, I don't know what to do and my parents are disturbing me to get married. I have not contacted anybody yet, I have not received any proposal yet and I'm 24 years old thanks.

Counselor

Answer


Get married

In this counseling answer:

“There is also no harm in taking care of your physical appearance as well, even if it is just a means to boost your own self-confidence about the way you look. Additionally, engage in things that you are good at. Again, this will be a way to boost your self-esteem by reassuring you that there are things that you are good at, that you can feel positive about.”


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

 

Marriage is a very important institution in Islam and it is only natural that at your age, you desire to get married. Alhamdulilah, it also seems that you have the support of your parents in the matter also.

If are yet to contact anyone and seek a proposal then this would be the primary reason at this point as to why you cannot find a spouse.  Whilst looks can be important in finding a spouse, there are other more important factors. Instead of focusing on the factors that you feel you are lacking, focus on your good points. It sounds a lot like you are lacking in self-esteem, so do take time to really think about all the good qualities that you have to offer that a spouse would be pleased with.

Think about the following as well; imagine you were as beautiful as you wanted to be and a man proposed to you solely for this factor, you might then doubt that he has any interest in you other than the way you look. If someone marries you for your personality rather than the way you look, then you can feel more confident that he is marrying you for who you are and solely for how you look.

That said, there is also no harm in taking care of your physical appearance as well, even if it is just a means to boost your own self-confidence about the way you look. Additionally, engage in things that you are good at. Again, this will be a way to boost your self-esteem by reassuring you that there are things that you are good at, that you can feel positive about.

Also ask yourself, if you met a decent righteous man who has all the qualities of a good spouse,  yet was unattractive, would you turn him down. Bear in mind that someone can look very handsome/beautiful, but can have terrible personality characteristics and treat their spouses terribly. Physical characteristics, whilst desirable, are not the be all and end all of a successful marriage. In fact, they are probably amongst the least important things to look for when selecting a spouse.

The next step is to seek proposals, so you could ask your parents to help you out by putting the word out that you are looking. Sometimes this is best done via their friends or the local masjid. Likewise, you could also let your friends know that you are seeking a spouse.  At least if it is widely acknowledged that you are seeking a spouse, or at least accepting proposals then this will allow for opportunities to come your way.

During this time, continue to remain close to Allah, pray istikhara and ask Him to guide you to the best spouse for you.

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse who will bring you happiness and success in this life and the next.

 ***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Why is Marriage like Climbing Mountains?

I Am 40 & Unmarried; Is There Any Hope For Me? (2)

Not Satisfied with My Body: How Will I Marry?




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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