In this counseling answer:
- It is your right to seek marriage and be an active participant in your search.
- Open your heart to any potential suitor if they were of good Islamic quality regardless of ethnicity.
- Keep your heart open, pray to Allah for guidance and ease, make du’aa’ for your parents.
- Become active in your community and seek that which Allah has for you.
Thank you for your question dear sister. I felt your pain and sadness throughout your writing. It is very clear that you have much love and respect for your parents and have taken good care of them in respectful and kind ways. May Allah reward you for this and all of your other life sacrifices.
I am sad to hear of your seemingly cold upbringing without feeling affection or closeness. Rest assured dear sister that your family loves you dearly, however, due to whatever trauma or life experiences that they may have had, they were and still are unable to express the love the way you need it, but they do love you.
Dear sister, yes, you deserve a husband and family of your own. You deserve to be happy. As an adult, you also can choose to make your own decisions regarding who you chose to marry as well as taking the initiative by engaging in Islamic events and developing a close network of other single sisters wherein you can build a support system. You can also let others know you are single and looking. You can begin at your masjid and discuss the issue with your imam.
Sometimes, sister, time flies because we let it. We often don’t actively pursue the routes for happiness that is permissible for us. We often feel that our parents are supposed to provide for our marriage needs and if they don’t, we sit year after year hurt, angry and sad.
However, we must realize that in Islam, marriage is considered the other half of religion. This means no matter how religious a person is unless he is married, the religion is incomplete. Why? It is not only God that has right upon His servants, but the person’s body and emotions also have rights that need to be rightfully fulfilled.
Therefore, sister, it is your right to seek marriage and be an active participant in your search. Perhaps yes, Allah wants you to pray for your parents rather than talk to them. So far, talking has not produced good fruits. Allah knows best. In turn, this may mean that while you pray for your parents’ acceptance of a future marriage, it is now up to you to pursue a marriage.
Check out this counseling video:
Regarding your parents’ refusal of your marrying someone of a different ethnicity, keep in mind the following hadeeths:
“”O people! Indeed, your Lord is one and your father is one. Indeed, there is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab, nor of a non-Arab over an Arab, nor of a white over a black, nor a black over a white, except by taqwa.”(Musnad Ahmad)
These Islamic illustrations can be used if you decide to again, discuss marriage with your parents.
However, sister, I am concerned about one statement you made regarding marrying someone from a different ethnicity. You stated, “I simply have no strong family role model; I don’t feel my father’s presence. He financially supports the family, but the money he earns is not enough. As a result, my eyes always turn to foreigners.” I am wondering sister, are you only seeking a husband who is of another ethnicity because of your father? Or are you open to whoever Allah brings to you?
If you are only willing to marry a man of another ethnicity, then this is not right either. I would hope sister that you would open your heart to any potential suitor if they were of good Islamic quality regardless of ethnicity.
As far as your parents rejecting a suitor due to ethnicity, this is also not in accordance with the teachings of Islam. However, I implore you to keep your heart open, pray to Allah for guidance and ease, make du’aa’ for your parents, but also for yourself for a husband. Become active in your community and seek that which Allah has for you.
You are in our prayers sister. Please let us know how you are doing.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.