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My Mother Has Imprisoned Me

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Oct 08, 2018

Question

I know that in Islam mothers have a huge importance and respect, but something is beyond human control. I'm facing huge psychological pressure due to my mother's approach to life.

I'm 29 but stuck and imprisoned because of her. My father died and I live with my mother who's extremely paranoid about this word. I've done B.S. in computer science and trying to pursue further education in university. Resuming education needs energy and motivation, but I feel depressed all the time.

The problem is that my mother is extremely strict. For one thing, she’s paranoid about the subject of marriage. She thinks I should either get married within the family or not get married at all because people outside our family are evil. There's no one in the family like a cousin I can marry. For another, she's so negative. She's imprisoned me inside the house. She won't let me go out to meet my friends or go anywhere without her. That's the reason I haven't started any job because if I start working she'll 24-7 suspect me that I am having an affair with my male colleagues. I feel suffocated and want to die.

I'm 29 years old. My cousins are studying outside the country and have amazing jobs, yet I haven't lived at all. I know in Islam we have this concept that women should stay inside their houses, but it's not my fault I don't have a husband who can help me live life to the fullest. I just want to be able to sometimes go outside without supervision and breathe a little, maybe even take a semester outside the country for once, or at least live one day of my life without my mother trying to bully me. I feel ashamed and bitter about being that old and still not having any worth talking or cherishing memory or experiences.

My mother thinks if I go out to see my friends, they'll lead me to have affairs with boys, while my friends are from respectable families. Her unhealthy obsession with keeping me in front of her eyes 24-7 is making me suicidal. I feel bitterness and I think a love for her is leaving my heart, which is sad. I don't want to hate her or be resentful towards her. But I can't avoid it when she's ruining my life. What should I do?

Counselor

Answer


My Mother Has Imprisoned Me

Salam Aleikom,

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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