Q Salam. I am a 27 year old Muslim American. My parents are no longer married. My father sent me & my siblings to Pakistan in a more (kidnap) manner to get back at my mom and also prevent us from living in the West. Being raised in Pakistan with no parents had its challenges but the bad experiences has left us shattered. In Pakistan I lived with my dad’s parents, uncle & aunt. My uncle was very abusive. Beating us black & blue and molested my sister & I for several years before he left to Canada. There are also various other relatives that molested me and my sister as well. But we were beaten in fear to never tell anyone. My father was pretty much an absent father. He left us and never looked back. In the 10 years of living in Pakistan, we were subjected to psychological, emotional, verbal, physical abuse and growing up like that I now see how its affected us in our 20's. We are in the US again, alhamdulillah, but we live away from dad. As dad is ill and does not want to do anything with us. My mother is no longer a Muslim and is now in a lesbian relationship. As a woman today, I now am approaching 28 next month, I am facing issues with marriage. It’s having us take our own steps to finding our spouses. We don’t have anyone stepping (which may be a blessing in disguise) in or presenting us as a wali except my brother. We have to work, study, look for spouses, and think for our futures in a manner where normally walis and the head of the household do. But we just don’t have that for us. The family members are bringing some proposals but they are just men who want a ticket to America. It’s the honest truth and just another petty example of pleasing desi society. I have considered everything. I always keep an open mind when proposals come, even was suggested to look online an did that also. I came near finding someone to only keep facing the same problems over & over again. I am Ellhumdulilah a very successful Cardio Thoracic Surgical Assistant. I am not rich but Ellhumdulilah I am able to put myself to education on a Part time basis, take care of basic needs for me and my siblings and also take care of my family in Pakistan. So I work literally day & night to stay at bay. Men I meet Are always impressed, my balance of deen and duniya, my passion for work, my life seems attractive to them, I always hear the floods of praises as the whole "perfect" wife term so much it's almost annoying. But Two three months come along and these men suddenly start demanding money, inappropriate stuff, hurry to get married because they want to come to US fast, or simply just can’t stand my work and success. I do have to trust issues major ones but how can I not? No one has stepped up and been a man so I have to be "the man" of my house. My family in Pakistan rely on me for financial support. I am doing so much, i am cracking. And i keep running into the same kind of men. The self-entitled, do as I say, using Islam as a weapon to get their way. You know Islam salah is the only things I am grabbing on by the thread to keep me at bay. And I don’t know what to do. I want a shot at marriage with a Good righteous husband, have a family build my family, I have to work because I am a provider for my family there and my responsibilities here. I read about marriages and how our Prophet was with his wives and I just sit there and wonder: will I ever experience the comfort of being or feeling if safety and love from a man of my house one day?