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Marry Him While Still in High School?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Mar 16, 2017

Question

Salamualykum, sister Aisha. I am Jasmine, who wrote in the question about the hyper-sexualised society question. Thank you so much for your service and for taking my question passionately. I just wanted to give you some background information about myself as I wasn’t very specific and it was a lengthy question. I am a 17 year old 2nd generation Lebanese Australian, born and bred with my mother also born in Australia. I come form a conservative family and became more aware of my society and the ‘haram’ when I reached adolescence, primarily because I developed anxiety and other mental health issues. So my view of the world, with an Islamic insight and a biased view from my family, was quite distorted, but nevertheless I did and now spend a lot of time on the internet trying to fill the gaps in my Islamic knowledge. There are ups and downs and when I wrote to you, I was too sick to pray and in that situation, my anxiety and paranoia worsened but when I got healthy enough to pray, my mindset returned to normal (at least). My worries have somewhat increased due to being uncertain about my situation since the arrival of my 22-year old second-cousin from Lebanon. He arrived in the 2015 summer school holidays (in my 10th grade year). He arrived on a university workshop, selling his motorbike in order to get a ticket and while he was here, stayed at my grandmother's house. He then changed his mind and decided to stay here forever, against his parents wishes. However, that is only made possible through marriage, and he has since been desperately looking for a bride. With no luck, It alludes he is thinking of me and has been suggested by a few members of my family as there is simply no there girl available. Me having the issues I have but having matured and improved in the year he arrived, am feeling very awkward as my family just recently mentioned me being a potential for him. In my heart I want it to happen and I like a lot about him and have spent some time with him. He is also close and gets along well with my mum and he enjoys playing with my two kindergarten-aged sisters. Its just that I don’t feel ready but don’t want to miss this opportunity if this is from Allah and If I am the one for him. Testament for this, I have since had very good and happy dreams. I am young, seventeen, but am very mature for my age (I have a 30-40 year old brain), I believe to be compatible with him and always have a good time with him, cracking jokes and just getting along. I am the type that has always known what want and have a genuine pair of eyes, so I am certain I am not wrong. I also did heaps of research as you can imagine on marriage/nikah and all the important information and factors on marriage. However, my grandmother and mother say I need to finish university (when I am 25-26 years old) but he has to find a bride now or else he will have to go back to Lebanon. I have never had a father figure and my parents divorced when I was 4 and a half and I haven’t seen my biological dad for 2 years and counting. My current step-father only sees me and my family on Sundays so my father figure image is slightly broken. So yes, I am insecure, confused and in a vulnerable time, (studying for my university score as I am in year 11) and having to contemplate an idea that could change my life which I was never expecting nor planning for. Your support is much appreciated.

Counselor

Answer


j

Answer:

As-Salamu ‘Aleikom,

I am glad to heard the you have been improved, that your anxiety and paranoia has been decreased, and that you feel healthy enough to pray. I am also happy that you feel your mindset has returned to normal. I am wondering if you have been seeing a counselor and that’s been helping, or you are just getting closer to Allah (swt) and studying and gaining Islamic knowledge.

In any case, both avenues are recommended, and I highly suggest that you do engage in counseling if you feel paranoid or anxious again to the point where you feel you cannot pray. Allah has gifted different individuals with the ability and desire to want to go to school and become doctors and counselors so that we can take advantage of their services. Taking care of our mind, body, and spirituality is counted upon us as Muslims, and counseling is a very good thing for mental health problems. I am really happy and also proud of you that you have overcame your anxiety and paranoia…

For the rest of the answer, please listen to the video:

Salam,

***

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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