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I’m Afraid to Marry My Relative



Reply Date

Jan 08, 2018


Salam! May Allah bless you for the service you have started as I've seen it has helped many. I have been meaning to inquire your counsel about an issue that has been overwhelming me for the past while. I am going to be 21 and I have been facing problems regarding my studies and emotional health since the past few years. My emotional health had been deteriorated for as long as I could remember because of a disruptive home environment which ultimately ended up me being distracted by my education and my own needs. Only now am I emotionally stable enough to balance out the two with my university also starting next year. My parents have never talked to me about the subject of marriage in any way, but a week ago they told me that my father's brother's wife asked my father that her parents were interested in me for their son, i.e., her brother. I have been in touch with their family for the past 10-11 years and are sure about their decency as human beings and their trustworthiness. The brother, whenever we all have met at occasions, has been very nice in character. He is decent, respectable towards elders, sophisticated and smart too. And apart from the salaams, I have talked to him in my ignorant days when I was 14 and even then he was very decent in his talk. To be honest, I have felt attracted to him since I have known him, but marriage or anything else never crossed my mind. I let my parents know that I will only give my confirmed answer when I talk to him about certain important stuff like how close does he think he is to God, his life views, his goals, etc. My father also told them that any nikkah would be done when I reach the end of my studies because he does not want them to handle the financial burden of my studies. He feels that’s his responsibility and because he wants me to become more responsible for myself first. I have let my parents know that even if I give a go, I am not going to chat with him in the period of engagement. I have countless times read that when a good proposal comes, you should clearly look into it, not reject it for unsolid reasons. My concerns regarding this situation are the closeness of families. I have seen how intertwined families face a lot of issues because of misunderstandings and all. I have been facing that all my life and I don’t want to be involved in it again. Their family lives in another country and its possible I might relocate there after marriage if this goes through (If Allah wills) but my concern still does not go away. I constantly fear these good traits not being good enough to start a life together with somebody. Please help!



I’m Afraid to Marry My Relative

Salam Aleikom,

In this video, you will learn about:

Is a long engagement period dangerous?

Is it beneficial to get married during college?

Should you meet your fiancéé before the wedding?

What to do to ensure the happiness of a marriage within the family.


Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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