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Husband Watches Porn & Ignores Me

08 January, 2017
Q As-Salamu `Alaykum. I’m an American Muslim and my husband is an Arab Muslim. We've been married for 8 years. For the past few years, I have been losing my faith in Islam and my husband. He secretly watches porn and it is killing me inside. I caught him a few times and confronted him, but he gets angry with me and then ignores me. I have cried begging him to stop. It's like he'd rather watch porn than to look at me or make love with me. I feel I'm not good enough for him that he has to look at other women. I am dying inside every day. How can he pray but then go look at porn almost every night? I still love my husband but I'm filled with pain and anger. It's like I need to keep my mouth shut and be a good Muslim wife while he can do whatever he desires. I know he doesn't cheat on me with other women so I tell myself I should be thankful for that. I am beginning to hate myself and am worried that I will lose my faith completely if it continues. Other than the porn he is a good man and a great husband. I will lose my faith completely if it continues. Other than porn, he is a good man and a great husband.

Answer

Answer:

Salam ‘Aleikom,

First of all, I want to say that it is really important for us to psychologically separate Islam as a tradition and a Muslim or Muslims. We have to remember, sister, that we are humans, first and foremost, and Islam is a reflection of how human we are. So, the quality of my “Muslimness” is also a reflection of my humanity. Thus, you cannot  blame Islam or lose faith in Islam simply because your husband has been struggling with a sin.

All human beings are going to make mistakes, and all are going to commit sin, some graver than the other. This is not the same thing as saying that there is a problem with Islam. No! He is just a human being struggling with something. So, that’s the first thing. It’s very important for us to not conflate your Muslim practice with Islamic tradition. Humans are Muslims, and Muslims are humans….

For the rest of the answer, please watch the video below:

 

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Salam,

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About Karim Serageldin
Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, completed his BA in psychology & religion, followed by an MA in east-west psychology with a specialization in spiritual counseling. He is a certified life coach with years of teaching and community outreach experience. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship, family and youth coaching. He provides seminars and workshops in the United States. You can contact Br. Karim at: http://www.noorhumanconsulting.com or facebook.com/noorhumanconsulting